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August 27, 2013

The Onion: "Psychiatrist Listens to Obama Complain About Every Single American"

Now this a premise I'm willing to entertain a bit.

WASHINGTON—Carefully jotting down notes as the two sat in his small second-floor office on K Street, psychiatrist Dr. Thomas Eccleson patiently let President Barack Obama angrily voice his complaints and grievances about every single American in the nation, sources confirmed Tuesday.

While conceding that the president has “made some decent progress” over the course of several months of therapy, Eccleson told reporters that Obama still has many deep-seated issues with each of the 313 million members of the U.S. populace.

“This week we continued exploring Barack’s resentment about being constantly judged by others,” said Eccleson, noting the president’s reliance on unhealthy defense mechanisms to distance himself emotionally from the American public. “Again and again I hear things like, ‘No matter how hard I try, nothing is ever good enough for Seattle resident Bryan Harrison.’ But I keep stressing that, at the end of the day, Barack is a human being and can’t expect himself to be perfect.”

“A lot of his feelings of inadequacy—thinking that no matter how successful he is, he can’t live up to people’s expectations—stem from his relationship with his father,” Eccleson continued. “That’s also at the core of his trust issues with not only Bryan, but also Gail Shaughnessy, Eric Corker, Amy Bergin, and more or less the entire population of Worcester, MA.”

Give it a click, that's just the beginning.

And if you think that's funny, wait 'til you hear the one about the three thugs who were playing a game consisting of hitting a random citizen with a high-powered stun gun but it turned out the random citizen they chose brought a gun to a Taser fight.



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posted by Ace at 05:21 PM

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