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Elliot Spitzer Cries n' Stuff »
July 09, 2013
Are We Doing This Now? Yeah Sure Whatever I Guess
Poetry is always risky.
From the Assault Vagina Poetry Slam, "If my vagina was a gun."
If my vagina was a gun, you would stand for its rights,
You would ride on buses and fight all the fights.
If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care,
You wouldn’t spill all its secrets because, well, why go there.
If my vagina was a gun, you’d say what it holds is private
From cold dead hands we could pry, you surely would riot.
If my vagina was a gun, its rights would all be protected,
no matter the body count or the children affected.
If my vagina was a gun, I could bypass security,
concealed carry laws would ensure I’d have impunity.
If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn’t have to beg you,
I could hunt this great land and do all the things men do.
But my vagina is not a gun, it is a mightier thing,
With a voice that rings true making lawmakers’ ears ring.
Vaginas are not delicate, they are muscular and magic,
So stop messing with mine, with legislation that’s tragic.
My vagina’s here to demand from the source,
Listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force.
The cultural left disdains all patriotism except vaginal patriotism. And sexual patriotism more broadly, I guess.
Incidentally, you're not allowed to keep a gun in your vagina.