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February 26, 2013

Murder Most Fowl: Former Rock Star Morrissey Says He Can't Appear on Jimmy Kimmel Because He Cannot Share the Stage with the "Animal Serial Killers" of "Duck Dynasty"

I'm not making that up.

"Duck Dynasty" is apparently a reality tv show about a family of duck hunters. Or, "Serial Animal Killers." (That was actually the original title of the program, but it didn't test well, except with animal serial killers.)

Morrissey would be honored to play the show, if Duck Dynasty were removed.

Morrissey stated, "As far as my reputation is concerned, I can't take the risk of being on a show alongside people who, in effect, amount to animal serial killers. If Jimmy cannot dump Duck Dynasty then we must step away."

I wish there was a word for "not retarded" because I totally need it right now!

The former celebrity Morrissey then went on to opine:

What political causes mattered most to you back then, and are they still important to you now?

War, I thought, was the most negative aspect of male heterosexuality. If more men were homosexual, there would be no wars, because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men. They even get medals for it. Women donít go to war to kill other women. Wars and armies and nuclear weapons are essentially heterosexual hobbies.

War is the most negative aspect of male heterosexuality.

Second most negative? Not buying Morrissey records.

Morrissey's One Song: Only popularly known because it became the theme song to a forgotten and very lame WB show about witches.


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posted by Ace at 06:21 PM

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