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February 14, 2013

"I Always Intended to Pay It Back:" Former San Diego Mayor of Unknown Partisan Affiliation Vows to Repay $2 Million Stolen from Charity in $1 Billion Gambling Spree

She might have to open up an Etsy shop to pay this down.

Correction: The headline was misleading. Now, it is less misleading, due to be being vaguely phrased. Apparently the "$1 billion" is the cumulative figure of money she put at stake in gambling over a course of years-- not all of it was lost. She won a little less than $1 billion; she lost a little more than $1 billion.

I guess that makes more sense.

Still: A billion dollars in wagers.

I always intended to pay it back, she said. and I still intend to pay it back. In that period of time I lost my husband, three siblings, best friends.

Obviously she's just on a cold streak. I recommend she gets into a casino post-haste -- they're just holding her money for her. It's time to collect.

I've got two words for her: Twenty. Two.

In related news, Barack Obama has bet $7 trillion on the proposition that dog parks and bee-sex studies are just the Brawndo the economy craves.






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