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January 24, 2013

"Assault Coffee"

@iowahawkblog notes that this coffee mug, containing at least one characteristic of a so-defined "assault weapon" (a military-style pistol grip) should be categorized as an assault beverage.

Kind of funny.

I'm trying to build on his joke: Can we do the same thing? Can we take anything we don't like and throw the "assault" designator in front of it and get it banned?

Here's some proposed legislative language:

"An 'assault advocate' shall be defined as a public advocate possessing any two of the following three features:

-- a 'military-style' pistol grip;

-- a cloying and entitled attitude;

-- a rail permitting the attachment of 'tactical' features such as a laser-sight or bayonet;

-- the belief that paying $4.00 for birth control at Wal*Mart is some kind of dealbreaker;

-- a "military-style" triangular stock with interior angles greater than 25 degrees;


-- a face that looks like a shoe, and not a nice shoe, but one of those sad shoes you see hanging from telephone wires, the sort of hanging telephone wire shoes where you say, "Boy, there must be a backstory on that, and I don't want to know what it is."

CNN Fails Again: @jaycaruso linked this piece.

Feinstein, who authored the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban that Congress declined to renew 10 years later, displayed weapons that would be banned, such as a Bushmaster automatic rifle, at Thursday's news conference.

It's not automatic. God. They just really do not care to do the most minimal research into a subject area where they want to enact wholesale bans, do they?

If you missed Andy's update this morning on the Mensa Chapter Presidents at the Chicago Tribune, check it out. It's both sad and funny.

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posted by Ace at 01:15 PM

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