Guns Don't Kill People.
Boobies Kill People.

And if they outlaw boobies, only outlaws will have boobies.

A 50-year-old Everett woman is accused of smothering her boyfriend by lying on his face.

Witnesses said the woman had her chest on the victim’s face, a Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office document said.

Death by smothering by breast. Old hat.

But there are going to be three shocks in this story. I want you to prepare yourselves. Please, take a seat, or, if you must stand, steady yourself by firmly grasping a solid upright surface.

If you are eating, please finish chewing and swallowing any food in your mouth to reduce the risk of choking due to sudden surprise.

Shock Number One:

Deputies said they were called to the Airport Inn trailer park at 12:45 a.m. Saturday...

Shock Number Two:

Police said that in addition to the victim, a man and three women were at the scene, all who were heavily intoxicated.

And Shock Number Three:

Documents indicated the victim was 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighed about 175 pounds, and [the perpetrator] is 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighs 192 pounds, documents said.

Police are recommending a charge of 2nd-base manslaughter.

(No but seriously they're recommending 2nd-degree manslaughter; I'm not sure why they're backing off murder, as it appears intentional. Perhaps it would just be hard to prove the Boobies had the intent to kill.)

Thanks to Jenjhis.

posted by Ace at 03:57 PM

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