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January 15, 2013

Guns Don't Kill People.
Boobies Kill People.

And if they outlaw boobies, only outlaws will have boobies.

A 50-year-old Everett woman is accused of smothering her boyfriend by lying on his face.

Witnesses said the woman had her chest on the victim’s face, a Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office document said.

Death by smothering by breast. Old hat.

But there are going to be three shocks in this story. I want you to prepare yourselves. Please, take a seat, or, if you must stand, steady yourself by firmly grasping a solid upright surface.

If you are eating, please finish chewing and swallowing any food in your mouth to reduce the risk of choking due to sudden surprise.

Shock Number One:

Deputies said they were called to the Airport Inn trailer park at 12:45 a.m. Saturday...

Shock Number Two:

Police said that in addition to the victim, a man and three women were at the scene, all who were heavily intoxicated.

And Shock Number Three:

Documents indicated the victim was 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighed about 175 pounds, and [the perpetrator] is 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighs 192 pounds, documents said.

Police are recommending a charge of 2nd-base manslaughter.

(No but seriously they're recommending 2nd-degree manslaughter; I'm not sure why they're backing off murder, as it appears intentional. Perhaps it would just be hard to prove the Boobies had the intent to kill.)


Thanks to Jenjhis.


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posted by Ace at 03:57 PM

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