Sponsored Content
B+: Three Cheers for This F'n' Guy's Masterful Stewardship Over The Economy | Main | Steven Potter, Genius, and Master of the Art of Being A Dick
September 14, 2012

Two New York Times Scoops In One Article: 1, Autumn Is Coming, and 2, Frustrated Wannabe Novelists Will Often Try Debuting Their Schtick In Alternate Venues

Via @bdomenech, a prose poem to rival Rick Klein's.

Autumn begins in the night.

As they say, the first sentence of any novel has to be its strongest.

This is also a fine example of "plonking" (see next post for examples of "plonking").

Anyway, let's continue with the NYT:

With summer on the wane, the Mister Softee depot in East New York, Brooklyn, fills up by 10 p.m. In the high season, Mister Softee plies his wares as late as midnight.

Novelistic detail-- the small detail that suggests others. Except here it really doesn't. Nice try though.

Now the days, often as not, are still summery, if more bearably so. The midday sun is not perceptibly lower in the sky.

Someone's been reading P.G. Wodehouse and thinking "I can do that!"

But the sun has, somehow, gotten faster. And with night settling in at dinner time and burrowing deeper, it is in the hours of darkness that summer literally runs out of time.

It's like poetry, except dumb.

In the cocoon of the home, in the unaccustomed silence lately filled by the air-conditioner, the air flowing in feels, smells, tastes different not just because it is cooler, but also because it is different air, hailing from a different part of the planet.

And also, no pollen. But that's not poetical.

Sultry summer nights are made of stiflingly hot air from Southwestern deserts simmered with emanations from the Gulf of Mexico into a thick gumbo. But now the jet stream, the ever-flowing border zone between hot and cold air masses, is making its tentative, give-and-take pilgrimage southward, and on cool nights, the air is fresh from the pine forests of Canada.

That feeling you feel, said Mark Wysocki, the state climatologist in the New York State Climate Office, is the jet stream trying to go home for the winter.

Le sigh. I'll just let that hang there, in embarrassment and defeat, like a flaccid weiner at a vagina party.

I've got a scoop for you fellers: At around 7:14 tonight, you're going to experience something called "nightfall." It's going to get dark. If you can imagine shadows, this is going to be shadows but without any source of light casting them.

Trippy, huh?

It will also grow colder. Or, as the expert on nightfall poetically said (after I suggested to him, "Could you please say this faux-poetic sentence so I can 'quote you' saying it?"), "Night... is like the sweater-season of the diurnal clock."

digg this
posted by Ace at 04:53 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Minnfidel: "For some reason these names make me think of the g ..."

Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead!: "I'm not super fussed about the attacks on a potent ..."

Notsothoreau: "Don't know and don't care. I'm not voting for DeSa ..."

Smell the Glove: "The migrants the NYC who are sleeping outside as w ..."

Aetius451AD Work Laptop: ""I wanted to avoid this -- I hate being at odds wi ..."

Adirondack Patriot: "It was never about the knee or the bending. _____ ..."

Axeman: "When you look at when everything started to really ..."

Tex Lovera: "Shorter Trump: "You fucked up. You trusted us." ..."

Brent Crude: "264 Test all the big shots and produce the results ..."

Eromero: "George Blanda. -drops mike ..."

Additional Blond Agent, STEM Guy[/i]: "[i]I'll just get loaded and watch the entire Space ..."

bear with asymmetrical balls - an election is simply a festival for the majority: "[i]Particularly about mandates. Which Trump's advi ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64