Oh, God's Sake: Already Bloat-ish Two-Film Hobbit To Now Become Three Film Trilogy

You know what the really good thing about The Hobbit was? It moved. Fast. It was punchy and quick and fun and adventuresome.

But someone wants to make $50 million more so they're going to gamble away the strength of the book in favor of making it slow and plodding and filled with endless backstory.

We know how much of the story of Bilbo Baggins, the Wizard Gandalf, the Dwarves of Erebor, the rise of the Necromancer, and the Battle of Dol Guldur will remain untold if we do not take this chance. The richness of the story of The Hobbit, as well as some of the related material in the appendices of The Lord of the Rings, allows us to tell the full story of the adventures of Bilbo Baggins and the part he played in the sometimes dangerous, but at all times exciting, history of Middle-earth.

So, without further ado and on behalf of New Line Cinema, Warner Bros. Pictures, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Wingnut Films, and the entire cast and crew of “The Hobbit” films, I’d like to announce that two films will become three.

Great.

I want to watch dwarves singing for a total run time of 6 3/4 hours. Because I've got that kind of time allotted to singing dwarves.

Let me explain to you why you shouldn't turn a lively adventure story into a bloated, self-important prequel about the formative years of the villain of the previous trilogy: here.

posted by Ace at 12:49 PM

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