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March 28, 2012

Spike Lee Just Might Be Sued

If I were a c***s*cker, and advising that elderly couple that non-filmmaker Spike Lee endangered, I'd tell them to incur some costs.

Because you can't have a lawsuit without costs. For one thing, you have to be able to show the costs you incurred due to your tortfeasor's actions.

For another thing, it's going to be hard to sell a claim of emotional duress if you just chillax at home. Like, you claim you feared for your life, but then you sit home and watch Matlock, same as before.

So if I were a real c***s*cker, advising these folks -- I'm sorry, that's offensive, I meant Person of C***s*cking -- I would tell them "Go to a hotel and keep the receipt."

As they did already.

But I would also tell them -- just sayin' -- that they should contact a security company for an estimate on securing their home better, and should spend as much as they could afford there, too. At least change and improve the locks and add in a motion detector. At least do that.

Because if you can show actual financial injury, you can show a genuine case, and if you have a genuine case, well, then you can start talking about emotional distress and non-economic harm.

That's where the money is. You might think actual economic harm is where the money is. No, not usually, because we can readily estimate actual economic losses and, as far as a lawsuit goes, it's pretty cheap. If a guy making $150,000 per year is forced out of work for a year due to your actions, well, that's $150,000. That sucks, but it's hardly a jackpot for him, and it's not going to kill you.

Now when that guy pitches his $5 million pain and suffering claim, well, there's where you gulp.

So, if I were Person of C**ks**king, I would tell this elderly couple to take some trips to the doctor to make sure stress and fear aren't having bad effects on their health. I might also buy a gun.

And I'd keep the receipts. Sweet sweet little certificates of fear and suffering.

I would tell them to treat these expenses as investments. Investments that might pay off just grandly.

I would also tell them not to accept points in Spike Lee's next movie as a payoff, because he's a no-talent and no one sees his stupid college movies. Cash, baby.

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posted by Ace at 02:09 PM

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