Top Headline Comments 2-16-12 | Main | The Daily DOOM
February 16, 2012

Asylum Productions Announces "We Will Not Turn Down A Single Pitch For A Movie" Policy

2headedsharkattack.png

You had me at "Brooke Hogan," but the 2 Headed Shark with 6000 teeth cinched it.

Yes, it's real.

Kind of. It exists. But it's... you know, it's not really real. Is it a real movie when the whole point is to essentially play a $500,000 practical joke?

This production company, The Asylum, has brought you such fare as Mega Shark, and then, of course, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and, because you demanded it, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.

Because I'm just looking to break in to the business, and because I believe these guys will literally not turn down a single pitch, I offer, optimistically, my top twelve pitches for Asylum.

Fingers crossed.

Top Twelve Rejected Golden Movie Pitches For Asylum

12. Monkey Gun. A small-time crook discovers a high-tech gun which shoots Monkeys out of it. Monkey Gun.

11. The Haunting of Stacy's Bosom. Stacy's bosoms are haunted by restless Micmac Indian spirits. The Haunting of Stacy's Bosom.

10. Jenga. A vacationing family is menaced by a giant animated Jenga puzzle the size of a truck. "Don't pull the wrong block!" Jenga.

9. Murder Bucket. A man is possessed by the spirit of lethal bucket. Murder Bucket.

8. PK Rabbit. A gardener awakes from a coma to discover he has the psychic power to lift and throw rabbits with his mind. PK Rabbit.

7. Knucklehead. An evil cosmetic surgeon replaces his model ex-girlfriend's face with nothing but knuckles from medical cadavers. She gets revenge. Knucklehead.

6. Toilet Shark. Not what you think, but a whole new spin. It's a giant shark with a toilet for a head. Toilet Shark.

5. Johnny Flapjacks. A man recovers from a head injury and can see the future in the markings on pancakes. Johnny Flapjacks.

4. Hammersquid, A mad scientist and recreational carpenter creates a squid with hammers at the end of his tentacles. It hits people. Hammersquid.

3. Grizzled. A man receives a heart transplant from a grizzly bear. Horrified to discover he now craves honey, fish, and rape. Grizzled.

2. Spider Rain: Terror in New York City. It starts raining spiders in a Canadian city that sort of looks like New York. Spider Rain.

...and...

1. The Munge. A prostitute contracts a case of The Munge so bad, it kills her clients and transforms them into foul-smelling Munge-Zombies. The Munge.

Hammersquid by @Shikanominarazu, Spider Rain by @NYKensington.

The Two Headed Shark... Is Real? Or an internet goof. I don't know which.

From Tim Blair, via JWF, who notes that shark attacks are predicted to double. Because of global warming.


"You know who I was thinking...? Brooke Hogan."
"Brook Hogan? Oh, YES! She's great, she's great!!!"


digg this
posted by Ace at 08:18 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Adriane the Technology Critic ...: "with a stopped clock ... ..."

Soothsayer SLX Pro Series II Platinum Turbo: " UNLESS it's zombie apocolypse. How do The Wa ..."

MAxIE: "362 Being immersed in how these people really are ..."

Adriane the Technology Critic ...: "Counting down to Christmas ... ..."

Country Singer: "The Moron Horde in gif format:https://tinyurl.com/ ..."

Dr. Evil: "Cock ring with lasers, dammit. ..."

irright: "The comic book reading from my childhood wants to ..."

Alberta Oil Peon: "No. Omega Seamaster Posted by: runner at Decem ..."

hogmartin: "I'd be down with a watch thread, TBQH. Wearing a G ..."

Dr. Evil: " I want a cock with lasers! ..."

Grump928(C): "[i]If Masturbating Pete were here, he'd tell you - ..."

Jim[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "[I]Ditto. Wasn't doubting Jim, just the claim. But ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64