Can America rise to the challenge of making an exercise device that's even suggestive of manual stimulation?
We can.
Nay. We much.
One good comment at YouTube: "Does it pump out a cooling spray at the end of the workout?"
Now you're probably wondering, "Is this a parody? Some kind of viral marketing? Something Cracked did?"
My rule on these things is that if I can actually get to a Credit Card number entry on the ordering page, then they're really selling the thing, right? Otherwise it's fraud.