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June 27, 2011

College Democrats Unleash Powerful New Ad: We're Democrats, Because We're Upper-Middle-Class White Kids, But We Also Ran Into These Two Black People At A Macy Gray Concert

Vid at bottom of post. If you want to imagine it without watching, picture a adapted-for-the-stage middle-school production of Melrose Place.

Mostly they just babble. They're Democrats because they're... I don't know. All I know is that if you're doing a video with a backdrop you need to stand a couple of feet ahead of it so you don't cast distracting shadows on it.

I haven't seen this much pale Gothic skin and amateurish lighting since ScyFy ran a 44 hour Dark Shadows marathon hosted by Barnabas Collins' entertainment lawyer.

Gotta give them props, these look like my kind of people. I'd love to sit down with them in a bar whose throwback-ironic jukebox contains an eclectic mix of Sinatra and Zep and even the Butthole Surfers, plunk down my buck for Dollar a Draft PBR, and talk about the latest issue of Dwell with any of these fine, upstanding, privately-educated kids.

I'm pretty sure I see three Art History majors here, five Communications & Media majors, three Poli Sci majors, and a couple of other majors that strongly indicate "Look, I'm gonna work for my dad when I graduate, he doesn't give a shit if I know accounting or not."

I'm sure they mean well. I'm also sure they attended a party commemorating Frasier's last episode.


Top Ten Things Almost As White As The College Democrats' New Ad

10. All dues-paying members of the William H. Macy Fan Club

9. Moby Dick's pale underbelly, and, fyi, Moby Dick just scored five choice front-row tickets to a VH-1's Storytellers With Kenny Loggins, and, sidenote, Moby Dick just got hired as a social media consultant by Keith Olbermann

8. Every single fucking college "rockapella" group in the known fucking universe (N.B.: Asians may sometimes be white for these purposes)

7. Chris Matthews's milky, fetid coinslot

6. The Hazzard County Police Department

5. That guy who just crossed the street because his Urban Marauder Danger Alert System lit up like a Christmas tree, and oh look, it's Bryant and Greg Gumble heading into Barney's for their annual one-day sale on spats

4. TIE: People who write Salon: also, people who read Salon

3. People at parties who say "Oh I just talked to that guy over there" and you say "Which guy?" and they say "Oh the guy in the blue shirt" and you say "There are at least five guys here wearing a blue shirt" and they say "The guy wearing casual slacks" and you say "That doesn't super-help me" and they say "Oh you know that guy, that guy over there, about average height and weight for his age" and you say "Look, spit it out, are you trying to tell me you just spoke to the black guy by the guacamole bread-bowl?" and they say "I'm not comfortable seeing him that way" and then you say "Yeah, apparently you're not"

2. People who know more than half the lyrics to We Didn't Start The Fire and/or Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

...and the Number One thing Almost as White as the new College Democrats ad...

1. You know Dr. Smith from Lost in Space? Yeah, the guy he just curb-stomped for being such an up-tight narrow-ass honky


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posted by Ace at 07:12 PM

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