By The Way: Christina Hendricks Is Hot

I guess I didn't telegraph this enough, but I was kidding when I said I might not "hit" Christina Hendricks.

I mean: Seriously.

It looks like two polar bears in a Greco-Roman wrestling match.

I didn't have an "I'd hit that like..." joke so I went the other way and pretended she wasn't hot. I thought it would be obvious I was kidding.

I've written fan fic for an attempted Firefly spin-off series I call Saffron: Intergalactic Space Whore (Moderate Content Warning).

I know I didn't telegraph this because people are still asking, "Dude, do you not think she's hot?" So it's on me.

So, for the record: She's hot.

I'd hit that with the berserker fury of a dozen Norsemen. I'd hit that so hard she'd sing the aaa-aaa chorus of The Immigrant Song.

I'd hit that I like I turned a Bag of Holding inside-out and dropped it into a Portable Hole.

Hitting that would fill me with such transcendental bliss the final three seasons of Lost would seem like time well spent.

I'd hit that so hard Disney would make an amusement ride out of it, and then, 20 years later, they'd make a series of four increasingly-tedious films about it starring whoever plays Johnny Depp in the year 2031.

I'd hit that so hard Dominique Strauss-Kahn would turn to me and say, "That was completely out of line." I'd hit that so hard Bernard Henry-Levi would convince Barack Obama to launch a limited kinetic action against my nards.

posted by Ace at 12:48 AM

| Access Comments