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January 21, 2011

NATIONAL ENQUIRER EXCLUSIVE: WE HAVE VERIFIED WITH ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE THAT LEFTY BLOGGERS ARE PUSHING A TODD PALIN SEX SCANDAL!!!!

I don't even know where to begin with this. Start with the fact that the National Enquirer is basing this article on what lefty bloggers are speculating about. (Remember Trig Trutherism?)

They have no facts at all, except that a prostitute was busted in Alaska, something that happens 100 times a day. There are no facts connecting any of this to Palin (or even anyone he knows).

But that doesn't stop the intrepid "political bloggers," nor the Enquirer.

Political bloggers are digging into incredible claims that the "First Dude" - father of the couple's five children - cheated on his wife with a female massage therapist who was busted for prostitution!

The scandal not only has the potential to sabotage Palin's possible 2012 White House bid, but also threatens to destroy her marriage, sources say.

"Sources say?" You mean, sources like, steve_in_hb just told me that if this is true it could compromise Palin's political fortunes? Like a friend guessed about the ramifications if true and so I can now say "sources say" this obvious thing, like I have a scoop?

While the story heats up on the internet, The ENQUIRER has uncovered official documents confirming the woman's arrest, and learned police have confiscated physical evidence that could tie Todd to an alleged extramarital affair.

Um... you know what they mean, don't you? They mean police have confiscated physical evidence about her prostitution business and they don't know what that evidence is, but since they do not know what the evidence is, they cannot exclude the possibility that it has something to do with Todd Palin.

Or me.

Or Barack Obama.

Oh, by the way, National Enquirer-- here's another hot story that "politcal bloggers" are working on: Barack Obama took a DNC fundraiser named Vera Baker to the George Hotel in Washington, DC, when he was down there to talk to AIPAC in 2004, and she slept in his room, wink wink, and then Michelle Obama found out about it and became incensed but luckily a company partly owned by one of the Chicago-machine Daleys set Vera Baker up as a some kind of economic analyst in Martinique, of all places, despite the fact that she had no experience whatsoever in that field and despite the fact that that's a very strange place to do economic analysis from.

Print it. We "political bloggers" are working on it.

Ah, but you know all that.

We have also uncovered documents that show the woman - identified by bloggers as Shailey Tripp - contributed free massages to an anonymous person working for Sarah's campaign for governor of Alaska.

Todd Palin didn't "work" for her campaign.

While representatives for Todd Palin vehemently deny he cheated on his wife, allegations of his extramarital affair surfaced on Jan. 4 when an anonymous tipster sent out messages to news outlets making the allegation using the e-mail address thepalinmorals@hotmail.com.

"My sources reveal that a massage therapist and computer technologist, SHAILEY TRIPP, had an affair with Todd Palin that lead (sic) to her arrest March of 2010," claimed the anonymous e-mail.

Wait, wait, wait -- this allegation came from "thepalinmorals@hotmail.com? No, hold on -- certainly not The thepalinmorals@hotmail.com?!!

Oh, well, that changes everything! I didn't know this came from thepalinmorals@hotmail.com!!! Or, as I call thepalinmorals@hotmail.com, "the Gold Standard of lefty bloggers sending out false tips to the media in an effort to generate media interest." If I had known this came from a respected source like thepalinmorals@hotmail.com, I never would have adopted such a sarcastic, dismissive tone.

But the National Enquirer has an update. You wouldn't think they even needed one, given that thepalinmorals@hotmail.com had already provided the definitive word on the matter, but there's so much more!

Because, the National Enquirer breathlessly tells us -- other outlets are linking its story! Which must therefore mean it's true!

Since the first hours of this breaking story ignited a firestorm of controversy key mainstream media The New York Daily News, Vanity Fair magazine, Yahoo News, The Huffington Post and Forbes Magazine, among others, have cited The ENQUIRER's bombshell investigation into the Palin cheating scandal.

Oh sure, key mainstream media outlets are linking it; but what about key anonymous email tipsters? Is my favorite anonymous email tipster TheBarackObamGettingSexyAtTheGoergeHotel@gmail.com linking it? That's what I need to know.

Heh: The "MFM" comments in the thread below.

The National Enquirer notes that the Palins haven't responded yet about this just-made-up-claim.

You know what the MFM's take will be when they deny it?

Why is Sarah Palin inserting herself into a story about her marriage breaking down?


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posted by Ace at 06:55 PM

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