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December 09, 2010

Berkeley City Council Decides It Hasn't Gotten Any Attention In A Year; Sets Out To Fix That

Emo drama whores.

Message: Please pay attention to us. We're important.

The Berkeley City Council will consider a resolution that would declare the Army private suspected of leaking classified information to WikiLeaks a hero and call for his release.

...

Bob Meola, who authored the resolution, tells the San Francisco Chronicle that Manning is a patriot who deserves a medal.

Top Ten Rejected Berkeley City Council Attention-Whoring Initiatives

10. Proposed: All city council members to start wearing work-boots, ripped denim jackets, and feather-earrings, and to begin letting their grades slide

9. Proposed: We should all start dating black guys and make sure our daddys know it, like, we'll say things like, "Oh, sure I'll be home for Christmas, I'll bring figgy-pudding and my dusky-hued man-stallion"

8. Proposed: Sedition is The ROXXOR

7. Proposed: Bring Your Daughter To Your Bondage-Dungeon Day

6. Proposed: Look, we're only doing this because we want to be mentioned on O'Reilly's Talking Points, so let's just cut to the chase and drop an upper-decker in his toilet

5. Declared: Let's put The System on trial!!!, whatever that means

4. Proposed: Out: Casual Fridays; In: Transvestite Tuesdays

3. Declared: No religious tyrant or moral scold anywhere in America shall take away our right to dance

2. Proposed: Just to shake up The Sqauares, begin saying "sext" as a replacement verb for any normal use of "text" or "email," like, say "I'll sext you that budget PDF later" or "I'm sorry I didn't sext you back right away, I'm so behind on my sexts" or "I just sexted my mom Merry Christmas"

...and the Number One rejected attention-whoring proposal by the Berkeley City Council...

1. Proposed: Frame Judd Nelson for terrorism so we can then declare him a "Prisoner of Conscience"


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