Top Ten Reasons David Letterman Is Still the Ratings Champ

10. Asked a studio audience about the weather in Muncie, then repeated the word "Muncie" while mugging, because repeating common words is gut-bustingly funny

9. Never fails to tell Tom Brokaw he seems to have "a really good bead on things"

8. Recycled a Wacky Products item from 1982, though the reference to Yahoo Serious was lost on most audience members

7. Set up a "found comedy" bit by cheating on his baby-mama and getting blackmailed over it; then "extended the premise" by the leaking the creepy detail that he has a sex room right above his studio

6. Updated his act smoothly from 1990s to 2000s by revamping classic "Broken-Down Old Man Perving Out On Drew Barrymore" into fresh new comedy rotine "Broken-Down Old Man Perving Out On Zoey Deschanel"

5. Rote repetition of stock homey catchphrases like "Well my Gosh" and "Goodness me" and "Well shucks" just never get old

4. Fascinating to watch the evolution of a self-hating narcissist into a self-hating misanthropic narcissist

3. Exciting comedy bits like "Will It Blend?" and "Is This Something?" followed up with even more daring "What's On TBS Right Now?"

2. Crisp, penetrating interviews continue to reveal interesting details about guests' latest vacation trips, how old their children are and if they have any pets, and if they've heard if Zoey Deschanel is into "mature gentlemen"

...and the Number One Reason David Letterman Is Still The Ratings Champ...

1. Increasingly elderly viewership has mistaken the show for a long unresolved plot arc of Diagnosis Murder

Hm: How good am I? I guessed he would perv out on Zooey Deschanel, and yup, he sure did. (I've never seen this; I've seen the show three times in fifteen years.)

I just knew she'd be the type he'd go after -- pretty, sweet, and young enough to be his daughter's younger sister's niece.

Zooey Deschanel here mentions she once lived in a "socialist dictatorship" and, get this, she means it in a bad way.

posted by Ace at 03:45 PM

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