Sam Besserman Vs. The Universe

Sam Besserman is a liberal teacher's worst nightmare: an eleven year old with a conservative agenda and an appreciation for free speech rights.

My name is Sam Besserman, I'm eleven years old, I live in Beverly Hills, California, and ever since I can remember I have been subjected to political bias in school. The first time I noticed the bias was actually in preschool, where the teacher was reading a book about the importance of mothers and the inferiority of fathers. I tried to tell the teacher that dads might be just as important. The teacher responded in a sing-song, "No, listen to me, I'm the teacher." Of course, the girls loved the book and most of the boys hated it, except for a few who liked it and also wanted to become mothers some day. I was three years old and royally pissed off.

I had to listen to such feminist ideas every day, and at times, I actually bought into them. Months later, I still didn't know whether mothers were really more important than fathers. Once I even felt like going into the bathroom and trying to pull off my penis. It wasn't that I wanted to be a woman -- I had just lost my enthusiasm for my embattled gender.

The only male teacher I had might as well have been castrated. His voice was soft, his gestures were feminine, he didn't know how to run a class, and he had to rely on female assistant teachers to control the children. And, of course, the female teachers treated the girls ten times better than the boys and constantly reminded us of our alleged inferiority....

When I switched schools in 2nd grade, I suddenly found myself surrounded by bleeding-heart liberals. We were taught that minorities were victims and therefore good, and members of the majority were, by inference, bad. Similarly, we learned that America was the big, bad exploiter, and the countries my parents grew up believing were evil were not so bad after all. I asked my father about these issues practically every night, and he taught me the meaning of moral relativism. I thought he was being too kind, and I characterized it, instead, as moral inversion.

Moral inversion? This is not your typical 11 year old.

...

Once, when I was reading to avoid listening to a yet another guest lecture about man-made global warming -- in which the lecturer told us we should all reduce our consumption of meat to one meal a week -- the teacher took away my book and said, "Listen, she's smart." But according to what we now know about the hockey stick graph, she wasn't that smart after all. My English teacher was no better. She made it completely obvious that she thought those who didn't like Barack Obama needed to see a doctor. She never had anything good to say about America and always exaggerated Native American achievements over those of European colonists. When I tried to express my conservative views, she would say that we didn't have time for that and we should move on. One day she gave us a lecture on stereotyping. I raised my hand and gave an example of a comedian I heard who stereotyped Texans, and she said, "Oh, well, Texas!" as if to make an exception. The principal, who happened to be in the room at the time, quickly told her, "Shhhh!"

...

After all these years, you'd think I'd have given up. My country is undermining itself in its schools. It's teaching boys that they can't even compete with girls. It's teaching those of us who have pride in our country that it is misplaced. It's teaching nonsense and claiming that it's science. But possibly, even more usefully, I think I have struck comedy gold.

When I read about this on Hot Air, didn't get the part about "comedy gold," because his recitation of the facts seemed matter-of-fact and serious.

But now he's giving us a bit of that comedy gold, as he impersonates and mocks his commie-symp teacher.

The great thing about this is that the teacher gets a lot of payback here and there's not a thing, I think, she can do about it.

posted by Ace at 12:54 PM

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