Top 10 Things Obama Can Do In Gulf, Apart From "Sucking It Up With A Straw" | Main | Full Chris Christie Quote Is A Lot More GOP-Friendly Than First Advertised
June 30, 2010

Portland Police on Al Gore: There Is The "Possibility" Of A Prosecution For Sexual Assault

Is this real?

I have been pretty skeptical. But...

She says she has evidence of the attack, including DNA from a pair of pants she was wearing that night four years ago.

Okay, so test it already!

I know they don't have a sample of Gore's to compare it against, but any male DNA on the pants would be enough to push the case forward, at least as far as getting a warrant for a sample of Gore's.

If it's just sweat, though, what does that prove? She was a masseuse; of course she was touching Al Gore, and he's a big fat lumpy sack of fat, so of course he was sweating like a fevered castrati boar.

It's only real proof if the DNA in question is, uh, the effluent from the second chakra.

Al Gore Poetry... from garrett.

One thin September soon
A masseuses hand disappears
Beneath the sheet

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on my lower abdominals
Make my bone dissolve

Slow strokes from the moobs to belly
Ice fathers floods in your pants
A hard tug and my recount comes quickly

Then my throat is parched
Your hand is placed near wood
For the VP's celebration

Unknown creatures in my shorts
Take their leave, unload!
Gynecologists ready their stirrups

Passion seeks a 2nd Chakra release
The belle wants a tip?
On the hill I was the most Hung

The client cries
The hour of release has arrived
Here! Is my tool.


digg this
posted by Ace at 11:59 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u]: "I say that if the home country refuses to take dep ..."

browndog: "Behind left shoulder blade. Makes my whole left ar ..."

Bandersnatch, in touch with his toxic masculinity in his desire to oppress someone: "Perhaps some language geek bait... Anna Puma's ..."

Christopher R Taylor: "[i]I say that if the home country refuses to take ..."

Deplorable Jay Guevara [/i][/b][/s]: "[i]234 I would also recommend being as active as p ..."

flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner: "[i]217 Behind left shoulder blade. Makes my whole ..."

josephistan: "So if I wear drab colored sweaters, I'll meet a ho ..."

Piercello: "-delurks- For back pain, look into something ca ..."

Benji Carver : "I refuse to give liberal a-hole Mike Florio's webs ..."

Patrick From Ohio: "Diamond Dallas Page yoga? I remember seeing that v ..."

Pete Seria: "Had lower back pain for many years. Seems to coin ..."

Diogenes: "I got picked on once. Landed one good shot befo ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64