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June 25, 2010

Al Gore: If You Reach Under My Towel There's a Throbbing Carbon Offset With Your Name On It

I guess this is sort of a thing, huh?

"The case was not investigated any further because detectives concluded there was insufficient evidence to support the allegations," the Portland Police Bureau said in a prepared statement Wednesday, responding to inquiries from all over the world after the National Enquirer broke the story on its website.

In her detailed Jan. 8, 2009, statement to a Portland sexual assault investigator, the woman said she was called to the hotel about 10:30 p.m. Oct. 24, 2006, to provide a massage for Gore, who was registered under the name "Mr. Stone." Once inside his ninth-floor suite, she said he pushed her hand to his groin, fondled her buttocks and breasts, tongue-kissed her and threw her down on the bed as she tried to thwart his advances.

She also said Gore had finished a beer and opened a bottle of Grand Marnier while she was in the room.

While the Police Bureau considers it a closed case, it said it would reopen it if new evidence is received.

The ninny Howie Kurtz reports the National Enquirer did not pay for this story -- the woman's lawyer asked for $1 M, but they did not pay it.

Also, according to a source, the woman is confirmed to have been summoned to give Gore the massage at the time specified. 10:30 at night, which some read as suspicious, but if you're on a hectic schedule and have been out all day, it's understandable. (Follow up question: Was he working until then? If he was just sitting in his room for a few hours and then decided at 10:30 he needed a full-body release, well...)

It's hard to believe. Even if believed, which I might be inclined to, that Al Gore asked for a happy ending, it's hard to believe he then reacted to her refusal not with abashment but with a full-on sexual assault.

On the other hand, it has long been my belief he sort of went insane after 2000.


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posted by Ace at 02:28 PM

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