Nevada Results | Main | Gluskin Sheff strategist: "There's a significant chance that for the first time ever we will go into the next recession without having seen a new peak in employment."
June 09, 2010

Wednesday Financial Briefing

Markets had a rare up day yesteday,with the Dow finishing 123 points higher and closing at 9939.98. We'll just treat that as good news and forget that the market was sitting at 11,200 back in April.

Nicholas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel are still waging war against "the speculators" who had the temerity to point out that Euorpean finances were a God Damn mess. A spokesmen for the holders of European sovereign bonds warned the leaders that they were "teasing the gorilla in the monkey-house". Sarkozy was heard to say that he farted in their general direction and that their fathers smelt of elderberries. Chancellor Merkel only muttered darkly, "I will break you!"

Interbank loans at Spanish banks are drying up. This tightens credit and leads to busted bond auctions. "Fitch can kiss my ass!", said an unnamed source at Banco Santander who blames the problems on Fitch's recent downgrade of Spanish debt. Just to show how not-broke they are, Santander bought back their stake in their Mexican unit from Bank of America for $2.5 billion. When asked if this was a wise move given their weak balance-sheet, a Santander representative lowered his trousers and mooned the press-pool.

US debt will climb to 19.6 trillion by 2015, according to a Treasury report to Congress. Tim Geithner assured everyone that, in true Keynesian fashion, every dollar of debt translates directly into GDP growth. Somehow. When pressed on the issue, Mr. Geithner began to cry and had to be excused to the lavatory to pull himself together.

In the latest financial craze sweeping the nation, parents who have ruined their own credit can take Junior's unblemished credit record and shit all over that as well. The best part? It'll be years before Junior finds out, and by that time Pops and Mimsie will have decamped to Costa Rica. Said parents will still express surprise and sorrow at the fact that Junior rarely visits or calls.

Markets are primed for a higher opening, as hope once again triumphs over experience.

This report brought to you by that strange old lady who sits next to you on the bus and smells like cat pee.

digg this
posted by Monty at 07:11 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
jakee308: "What we actually have is toxic feminism.Boys don't ..."

Bizarro World : "[i]As children, we have not had parents setting us ..."

josephistan: "26 Loaded a bullet into a shotgun? Posted by: Pix ..."

Muad'dib: ">26 Loaded a bullet into a shotgun? Posted ..."

Jason M: "+1 for the Jordan Peterson interview, the man is a ..."

tu3031: "Guy sounds like a fag. ..."

Moron Robbie - I'm No Longer Selling ARs Until My $300 Ones Will Go For $1000 [/i] [/b]: " "As children, we have not had parents setting us ..."

concrete girl: ">>>Latvians George almost became one ..."

Deplorable Jay Guevara [/i][/b][/s]: "Am I the only one who breaks out in hives on heari ..."

Northernlurker but call me Teem.: "I remember reading something a while ago by some m ..."

Dack Thrombosis: "Where's the part where they went to a gay porn the ..."

Bill R.: "I fired a 30-30 the first time when I was 8. A Win ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64