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June 07, 2010

Monday Morning Economic Briefing

Last night's DJIA futures were down about 1%, but seem to have recovered overnight. "It was all just a bad dream," officials said soothingly. "Just go back to sleepy-bye, my darlings."

Many economists are predicting the end of the Euro, but Jean-Claude Trichet insists that it's only a flesh wound. "We'll make it up on exports!", cry the optimists. (No word yet as to who in the world has enough money to buy those exports.)

Even the lunatic-state North Korea is not immune to economic pressures. Due to the failure of the "You'll do what I tell you and like it!" economic plan, and failing health, Kim Jong-Il is trying to establish the succession of power in preparation for the day when the Devil comes to collect his black shrivelled raisin of a soul. Heightened tensions with South Korea have put world markets on edge.

"Our representative was apparently smoking crack-rock", said Hungarian officials over the weekend, in response to questions about Hungary's potential for default on its debts. "Seriously, this dude was tripping balls. We're not broke or anything -- honest! Pinkie swear!" Hungarian officials then whipped out rolls of Hungarian bank-notes and riffled them. "Check out this cheeze. Does this look like we're broke, bitches?"

In other news, California is still boned.

Brought to you by Purina Human Chow.


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posted by Monty at 08:27 AM

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