Monday Morning Economic Briefing

Last night's DJIA futures were down about 1%, but seem to have recovered overnight. "It was all just a bad dream," officials said soothingly. "Just go back to sleepy-bye, my darlings."

Many economists are predicting the end of the Euro, but Jean-Claude Trichet insists that it's only a flesh wound. "We'll make it up on exports!", cry the optimists. (No word yet as to who in the world has enough money to buy those exports.)

Even the lunatic-state North Korea is not immune to economic pressures. Due to the failure of the "You'll do what I tell you and like it!" economic plan, and failing health, Kim Jong-Il is trying to establish the succession of power in preparation for the day when the Devil comes to collect his black shrivelled raisin of a soul. Heightened tensions with South Korea have put world markets on edge.

"Our representative was apparently smoking crack-rock", said Hungarian officials over the weekend, in response to questions about Hungary's potential for default on its debts. "Seriously, this dude was tripping balls. We're not broke or anything -- honest! Pinkie swear!" Hungarian officials then whipped out rolls of Hungarian bank-notes and riffled them. "Check out this cheeze. Does this look like we're broke, bitches?"

In other news, California is still boned.

Brought to you by Purina Human Chow.

posted by Monty at 08:27 AM

| Access Comments