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May 24, 2010

Three Muslim Men Caught Breaking Into Heinz Field For Nonsensical Reasons; Pittsburgh Police Called "Blatantly Anti-Muslim"

I made up that last part; it's a reference to the Sex and the City sequel.

First part's real, though.

Forget the [obviously-Muslim] names for a second, and look at the ages and the residences of the suspects. What are all three doing in Pittsburgh collaborating on a break-in at Heinz Field? They appear to be too old for a university prank (except perhaps Minocherhomjee), and since they all live hundreds of miles apart, it seems odd that the three of them would get together to do a search and rescue for … a wallet. That’s what they told police they were doing by breaking into the Steelers’ home field.

Unfortunately, the last time a game was played at the stadium was December, thanks to a mediocre Steelers season. That’s a long time to let a wallet sit in the stands. If they wanted to retrieve a wallet, wouldn’t they have called the stadium first to check with its lost and found department? The Pittsburgh police called the explanation “not credible,” which is a masterful understatement.

The police have turned the case over to the Department of Homeland Security and the FBI, and the trio was released on $5000 bond pending a hearing on Thursday. The police have begun increasing patrols in the area, which is a jewel in Pittsburgh’s urban renovation efforts. It will be interesting to see if they show up for their day in court, and to find out what exactly they wanted inside Heinz Field.

Oh, I think I could ballpark it for you.

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posted by Ace at 03:33 PM

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