US to build most expensive "high risk" embassy ever costing $1,000,000,000

There's some dangerous places in the world and it apparently costs a LOT to protect our devoted diplomatic corps in them.

So you're wondering where this ultra-high risk embassy would be located, but I don't want to spoil the surprise just yet.

Iraq? No. (that one only cost $700M)
Syria? No.
Pakistan? No. (that one cost ~$850M)
Afghanistan? No.
Sudan? No.
Libya? No.
Congo? No.
Venezuela? No.
Israel? Lebanon? Saudi Arabia? No. No. No.

Its going to be in the most vile, ungoverned, wanton violence infested, pestilence ridden, asshole of the universe nation on the planet where Americans are being ruthlessly gunned down and blown up with car bombs daily by the dozens. A nation where the whole freaking populace is armed with AK-47's, RPG, and all manner of heavy weaponry just itching to render any American who dares poke their head up into a fine pink mist at the first opportunity.

I'm sure you've guessed it by now. Obviously, I'm describing England and our new embassy in London. The good news is -- it will have a real moat like all proper castles do! Presumably this would be a heated moat so it won't freeze and the Piranhas and Crocks don't get all lethargic and start slacking during the colder months.

Since our "special relationship" is so very special, the Brits also want to charge us an additional 17.5% VAT on that cool $1B cost as well. So far we've sac'd up and told'em to get stuffed on the VAT. I'm guessing Obama's spiffy gift DVD collection wasn't much of a bargaining chip there.

Here's an idea - hows about just building a huge poured concrete bunker with 10' thick blast proof walls or welded 12" battleship'esque armor plate?

posted by Purp at 11:56 PM

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