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December 17, 2009

Wife Seeks Divorce, Permitting Tiger Woods to Resume His Career of Banging Hookers Two-at-a-Time


Here's something for Allah, who's always on about Alpha and Beta males.

I think this helps us quantify Alpha malehood a bit.

Let one's "Alpha Number" -- one's degree of Alpha-ness -- be the number of skanks and flat-out whores a wife will forgive -- because you are that freaking awesome -- before she divorces you.

For Tiger Woods, we don't know his precise Alpha Number, but it appears to be somewhere north of 15.

We know, or we think we know, when it was a mere 11 the wife was willing to stick by her Highly Desirable Man.

For most men-- non-alphas -- that number is 0, or maybe 1, or maybe, if your wife really really loves you and children are involved, 2.

"Alpha" perhaps begins then at 3.

For Betas, maybe it's the opposite; maybe it's the number of times you can bear your wife going out and nailing an Alpha.

Mark Sanford is probably an Alpha, despite his deceptively low Alpha Number of 1, because, of course, the guy went on national tv and blubbered that that One was in fact his soulmate and he like totally loved her and he might be willing to entertain the possibility of making a half-hearted attempt at reconciliation with his wife, so long as she didn't mind him continuing his very special friendship with the woman of his dreams.

You have to add in a force-multiplier on that one. x8 or x10, I'd say.

Thanks to sidhe and AHFF Geoff.

Good Personal Ad: Commenters keep adding on bits to craft this:

Anyone in the market for a hot Swedish ex-nanny ex-model with an enormous bag of money and a recently purchased $2 million house in Sweden who also happens to have a twin sister and won't notice if you leave for a while to get some strange?

digg this
posted by Ace at 12:37 PM

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