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August 13, 2009

Overnight Open Thread – Random Acts of Linkiness - (genghis)

Item #1: Are you ready for some street justice? Or woods justice, given where this story took place. The headline, Kidnap Victim Beats Attacker Nearly to Death is worth the price of admission alone:

”JACKSON, Miss. (AP) - Police had been watching Vincent Goff for years, convinced he was the masked man who sexually assaulted couples at gunpoint on the Mississippi coast. But before investigators closed in, they say Goff picked the wrong victim and was beaten nearly to death with his own rifle. Goff, a 37-year-old unemployed Biloxi man with a wife and two stepsons, was being held Wednesday in the Harrison County Jail after spending five days in a hospital recovering from severe head wounds.”

Ouch! So how did poor Mr. Goff find himself in this predicament?
”Goff allegedly approached a man and woman last Thursday afternoon on an isolated logging road in Harrison County and forced them into the woods with a rifle, Sheriff's Maj. Ron Pullen said Wednesday. They were forced to strip off their clothes and told to perform sexual acts when the male victim, described as a physically fit member of the military in his mid-30s, wrestled the gun away. "He beat him until the stock broke over his head and then continued to beat him until he thought he had him incapacitated," Pullen said.”

Oops. The unfortunate Mr. Goff made a run for it while the victims were getting dressed and calling police but didn’t make it too far.

Item #2: Keeping with the theme, crime doesn’t pay so much in the little hamlet of La Crosse, Washington either.

” LA CROSSE, WA. - Some are calling it La Crosse justice after a man stole another man's wallet and ended up getting tackled, hog-tied and left in the middle of Main Street for police to find him. The other day 25-year-old Sean Lee stopped by 69-year-old Larry Garrett's house in LaCrosse with a sad story to tell. "I need to get some gas, from Seattle, my wife's having a baby in Lewiston and I'm out of gas," Larry recalled. So Larry paid for Lee's gas, even made him some food. "He said, 'Oh my God, I'm so hungry, hadn't eaten in three days,' so I said well I'll get you something to eat," Larry said. He says he had just finished heating up a plate of frozen taquitos for him when Lee stole his wallet.”

This delightful tale courtesy of Dori Monson’s Olde Tyme Radio Hour where you can also find an interview with Larry Garrett that’ll be sure to crack you up. Scroll down a little to the Tuesday, August 11th podcast, 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. segment.

Tonight’s sponsor is crawling around below the fold…

Tonight’s ONT is sponsored by the Tree Pangolin. This critter has a number of features in common with the average male ONT commenter, such as:

”Its anal scent glands disperse a foul secretion much like a skunk when threatened.”

Of course, that could just be the foul smell of days or even weeks worth of Cheetos residue. On the other hand, the Tree Pangolin has a feature that the average male ONT commenter could only dream of having as it might actually get them a date with a real live woman:
”Pangolins use their 10 to 27 inch (250 to 700 mm) tongue which is coated with gummy mucus to funnel the insects into their mouth. The tongue is actually sheathed in the chest cavity all the way to the pelvic area.”

Tree Pangolin in motion

Tree Pangolin at rest. Also, not in a tree.

Tree Pangolin wannabe.

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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