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August 07, 2009

Overnight Open Thread – Introducing “Project Bacon Emancipation” - (genghis)

Considering what a miserable failure “Project Cockholster” was a few month ago, it’d be understandable if the ONT never again took on such a momentous cause. But we’re nothing if not proactive. (well, we’re all in various stages of inebriation too, but that’s only partially relevant.) However, when we see a wrong that needs righted, an injustice that needs justiced or other causes we can champion without leaving our computers because we have a hangover dammit, then we pounce right on it. Maybe after a short nap.

In that spirit, I’m here tonight to introduce you to our latest cause: PROJECT BACON EMANCIPATION. First, a bit of background information:

For too long, bacon has been treated as a second class meat product, even by our own government which pays a lot of lip service about equality and diversity, yet discriminates openly against this gentle and noble delicacy. Yet when you browse their list of “acceptable meats”, is bacon anywhere to be found? I daresay IT IS NOT! Yet giblets are perfectly acceptable.

Even in these modern times, schoolchildren aren’t taught about The History of Bacon nor about its rich cultural heritage and how we as a society have benefitted just by its mere prescence. In other parts of the world bacon is not only hated, but actively not eaten by baconists that wish to take us back to the dark ages before bacon:

"Personally, I really don't care much for bacon. Usually I just have a bagel for breakfast. Also, death to you all, infidels!"

Well, no longer I say! Not only will we not allow bacon to slip quietly into the night, but we will stand up (or sit down at the computer if we're tired) and not only speak out with one voice in defense of and as advocates of our tasty, crispy, yet succulent little brown brothers. No! We will go even further. To our elected leaders we issue this proclamation:

WE DEMAND INDEPENDENCE AND GREATER THAN EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BACON! WE DEMAND THAT BACON BECOME ITS OWN SEPARATE FOOD GROUP!

I hope you'll all get behind this effort for universal bacon sufferage and stand together (or again, sit) in support of bacon and "PROJECT BACON EMANCIPATION." Our first step tonight should be to hammer out a manifesto in the thread. Will you sit idly by and not join in this great cause?

Don't let bacon down. It's counting on you...

Sponsor below the fold as usual…


Tonight’s overnight thread is sponsored by the Echidna, aka “The Spiny Anteater.” Of course, I meant it to be the cuddly little thing with razor-sharp spines pictured here:

But after reading about the mythological Greek monster of the same name, I’m more than willing to make her a co-sponsor. After all, she’s described as “the mother of all monsters” and spawned way more than her share of bratty little monsters such as the Chimera, Sphinx, Cerberus and some kind of vulture/eagle that ate Prometheus’ liver. It’s not entirely clear (to me anyway) whether it was the liver actually inhabiting Prometheus' body or one that he'd cooked up and left on the stove unattended. Not only all that, but she managed to get knocked up by Hercules no less than four times, which includes that little rugrat Scylla. (I’m assuming that it occurred that way, but the article says “Hercules had four children by her,” so maybe he actually squeezed out those puppies.)

When not being pregnant, she was apparently always brawling with others such as Dante and Nero, often ending up on “COPS: Olympus.” Currently she’s living in a god-sized double-wide that Zeus provided her after taking out her then-boyfriend Typhoeus following a meth deal gone wrong when he was out on furlough. More of the tragic tale can be found here including a vivid description of what she looks like. It’s sad, really, and even her old sometimes-boyfriend Cthuhlu doesn’t stop by any more, proclaiming her “too skanky even for me.”

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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posted by xgenghisx at 10:30 PM

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