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May 29, 2009

Mancow's a Frickin' Idiot

He got "waterboarded" by some untrained guy -- who now says he had no idea what he was doing, and just guessed based on what he read on Wikipedia.

The "waterboarding" consisted of just pouring a buttload water from a pitcher into his mouth until he coughed it up.

Mancow sprang up and declared he felt like he was drowning.

Idiot, you were drowning, you stupid douchenozzle.

That's why it felt "just like you were drowning." See how that works? Like if I pour lighter fluid all over my genitals and then ignite it, it will feel just like my hog is on fire.

And then you went out and proclaimed it was "torture" on Olbermann.

Waterboarding, properly done, does in fact simulate the feeling of drowning. But the reason Mancow -- or Girlcow, as Howard Stern used to call him -- could only take five seconds of it is that here, drowning wasn't simulated. He was really drowning.

This doesn't prove it's "torture" either way. It does, however, prove what no one previously thought needed much proving: That slapdash stunts by shock-jocks are probably not what courts would deem "best evidence."

Keith Olbermann, however, put the guy on, and is having him on again to attempt to rescue them both from ridicule.

I know it's just wrong to say this -- oh so wrong -- but I hope he fails.

By the Way: Allah asks why Mancow didn't pop up and declare it non-torture.

Um, that's easy: Because he's a shock jock and does Wacky Radio Stunts (TM) to get attention and media exposure. You get more attention by claiming something unexpected than something expected.

How often do we see the New York Times quote contrarian Republicans? "Even some Republicans support Obama's economics plans..."

On top of that, because he was such a whiny little sissy about it, he could hardly cry and make the Bad Man stop and then say, "Oh, that wasn't so bad. But I'm just a sad little girl with almost no tolerance whatsoever for discomfort, so I had to cry like a bitch to get him to stop. Despite how non-torturous it was."

Even if his initial intent wasn't to just grab headlines by acting as one of the Some Republicans Say people, once he cried like baby, he sort of had to talk about how awful it was, right? You can't cry like a sissy and then admit you're just very sensitive to discomfort.

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posted by Ace at 05:44 PM

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