Top Ten Other Qualifications and Rich Life Experiences of Pin-Headed Retard-Brain Sonia Sotomayor

10. She's just wild about spats

9. Knows the words to Laura Branaghan's Gloria. Well, she knows the words to the chorus. Well, she knows "Gloria."

8. Can finish the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in ten minutes, by simply writing "poop" as the answer for every clue

7. President of the Brian Dennehy Fan Club, but accidentally so; mistakenly believes Brian Denehy to be the tween-aged star of Twilight

6. Makes a wonderful three-course gourmet meal consisting of fish sticks, rice pudding, and "Pesci a la Sotomayor" (fish sticks smothered in rice pudding)

5. Asked to explain her governing judicial philosophy, she responds cryptically with quotes and plotlines from Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers

4. Sometimes gets her legal opinions confused with her Mad Libs; she recently decided the case of Awesome Sparkle Princess v. Smelly Bananafarts

3. Upon confirmation as justice, will immediately take up Adam Lambert's appeal of his American Idol loss, citing the fact that he's "TEH ROXXORX!!"

2. Just as Hillary Clinton claims she was named for Sir Edmund Hillary, Sonia Sotomayor claims she was named after Dora the Explorer

...and the Number One Other Qualification or Rich Life Experience of Sonia Sotomayor...

1. She's written 300 pieces of gay "slash" fanfic starring the Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing and that super-hunky vampire boy Brian Dennehy

posted by Ace at 07:51 PM

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