Sponsored Content
« What Has Happened To Little Green Footballs? | Main | Hilarious: Cheesy T-Shirt Becomes Hottest-Selling Item on Amazon Thanks to Funny Reviews »
May 27, 2009

Top Ten Other Qualifications and Rich Life Experiences of Pin-Headed Retard-Brain Sonia Sotomayor

10. She's just wild about spats

9. Knows the words to Laura Branaghan's Gloria. Well, she knows the words to the chorus. Well, she knows "Gloria."

8. Can finish the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in ten minutes, by simply writing "poop" as the answer for every clue

7. President of the Brian Dennehy Fan Club, but accidentally so; mistakenly believes Brian Denehy to be the tween-aged star of Twilight

6. Makes a wonderful three-course gourmet meal consisting of fish sticks, rice pudding, and "Pesci a la Sotomayor" (fish sticks smothered in rice pudding)

5. Asked to explain her governing judicial philosophy, she responds cryptically with quotes and plotlines from Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers

4. Sometimes gets her legal opinions confused with her Mad Libs; she recently decided the case of Awesome Sparkle Princess v. Smelly Bananafarts

3. Upon confirmation as justice, will immediately take up Adam Lambert's appeal of his American Idol loss, citing the fact that he's "TEH ROXXORX!!"

2. Just as Hillary Clinton claims she was named for Sir Edmund Hillary, Sonia Sotomayor claims she was named after Dora the Explorer

...and the Number One Other Qualification or Rich Life Experience of Sonia Sotomayor...

1. She's written 300 pieces of gay "slash" fanfic starring the Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing and that super-hunky vampire boy Brian Dennehy

digg this
posted by Ace at 07:51 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Skip: "Bought goat cheese few weeks ago, it was OK but on ..."

Skip: "FOODIES NOOD ..."

Skip: "Pie fight! ..."

gp Sets In Motion Various Apparatuses: "nood ..."

gp Sets In Motion Various Apparatuses: "210 These days, I feel immense gratitude when any ..."

PabloD : "Big rug, not big run. Autocucumber... ..."

PabloD : "If I secure the big run by the front door, then it ..."

Daddy, why are muffin pans made with twelve spaces instead of five?: "It's weird how "hardwood" started becoming mainstr ..."

From about That Time: "Been eyeballing dumpsters and pickups for ropes, n ..."

AZ deplorable moron: " the carpet was concealing. Posted by: Duke S ..."

From about That Time: "FWP swapped out pants before heading to India poin ..."

Daddy, why are muffin pans made with twelve spaces instead of five?: "ordered two point rugs from Amazon. They sent me a ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64