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May 21, 2009

Overnight open thread – Rainbow-Hued Beam Weapons, Tired Goats, Egg-Cetera (genghis)

(Rainbow beam weapons are discussed at the bottom)

Item #1: From the police blotter in Spokane, WA we get the story of a brutal drive-by egging of a car dealership. Or maybe a “walk-by egging”…as it was meant to send A MESSAGE:

”Vandals who egged a Colfax car dealership early Wednesday morning left a note at the scene decrying “the ignorant use of fossil fuels” – a note written on the back of a Winco receipt for 5 dozen eggs. Whitman County Sheriff’s investigators visited the grocery store and reviewed video footage of the egg purchase, which enabled them to identify four suspects. “

Which makes me wonder, do eco-terrorist groups like ELF have something similar to the pledge system that frats do? I bet these guys were wearing beanies when they launched their egg barrage (though beanies made by non-exploited members of a South American mountain/rainforest village out of sheddings from the non-exploited animals they live with woven together with belly lint.) Also, I wonder if there’ll be an outcry which leads to greater “egg control.” (h/t by several people).

Item #2: From the Today Show, via the Dori Monson radio show we learn that Archie is finally going to tie the knot and marry either Betty or Veronica in an upcoming edition. Of course, the Betty vs. Veronica debate has been raging for nearly 70 years now and has often been compared to the similar debate over Mary Ann vs. Ginger (which at certain points in history has ripped families apart and even threatened to tear our entire union asunder.) Here’s how the Archie situation is supposed to go down:

”In the story, Archie has finally graduated from Riverdale High School; in fact, he’s five years older and a college graduate. (We told you this was the apocalypse.) He may even have an actual job when he gets engaged. But to whom? Will it be the elegant Veronica Lodge, daughter of wealth and privilege? Or will it be girl-next-door Betty Cooper?”

Is nothing sacred anymore? What next!?! Does Ritchie Rich suddenly get thrust into puberty?

More below the fold...

Item #3: In the “road to hell is paved with” category, when giant energy-producing wind turbines aren’t busy shredding eagles and blocking views from the Kennedy compound, they’re killing goats in Taiwan. How, you ask?

”Reports from Taiwan suggest that large numbers of goats may have died of exhaustion because of noise from a wind farm. A farmer was quoted as saying he had lost as many as 400 animals after eight giant wind turbines were installed nearby. Officials suspect that noise may have caused the goats' demise through lack of sleep.

Of course, Big Wind has clammed up and aren’t issuing any statements to the media, but at the very least you’d think they would attempt the most basic mitigation efforts in order to help out our bearded, tin-can eating friends.

Item #4: Popular Science has just released the list of winners for their annual Invention Awards. Among this year's winners is “The Ripsaw Tank.” Video of it doing menacing things at the link.

”Cue up the Ripsaw’s greatest hits on YouTube, and you can watch the unmanned tank tear across muddy fields at 60 mph, jump 50 feet, and crush birch trees. But right now, as its remote driver inches it back and forth for a photo shoot, it’s like watching Babe Ruth forced to bunt with the bases loaded. The Ripsaw, lurching and belching black puffs of smoke, somehow seems restless.”

Thanks to “Iskander,” but pshaw! Call me back when you can match what’s below and I might start to be impressed.

Well, except for the whole getting destroyed by Godzilla thing. Otherwise it seems to be a sound concept. I think with a little tweaking, Pres. Obama would sign off on the appropriations needed to get this new weapons platform into production. Why you ask? Don’t ask. Just watch what Mechagodzilla shoots from its eyes: A RAINBOW OF DEATH, that’s what. What’s not to like? The only real hurdle’s gonna’ be how the engineers update the power plant to be carbon neutral since the prototype was built in 1974. Electric probably won’t do the trick…can you imagine how long it’d take to charge that thing up? Not to mention you’d need a really long extension cord. No, for this I think they’ll have to think outside the box and maybe harness the vast untapped power of Skittles in some sort of reactor.

Notice: Posted by permission of AceCorp LLC. Please e-mail overnight open thread tips to xgenghisx@gmail.com. Otherwise send tips to Ace.

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posted by xgenghisx at 10:42 PM

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