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”Americans expect to experience some difference in laws when they travel the world, but some laws we found just sounded insane. In France, it’s illegal to name a pig Napoleon. In Florida, single women can’t parachute on Sundays. And in England, you may urinate anywhere in public, including inside a policeman’s helmet, providing that you’re also pregnant.”
Sage advice, particularly when Americans are travelling to the so-called “Republic of Florida” where the natural beauty of it’s glacier-carved sub-arctic fjords are offset by the cruel archipelago of gulags known as “The Keys,” It’s well known that dissenters and malcontents are sent there to “waste away in Margaritaville” (by far the worst of the prison camps) as has been documented by former political prisoners and groups such as Amnesty International. While there, they’re also forced to work in the salt mines, constantly searching for that precious mineral. Those who don’t collect at least a shaker full per day are punished by being forced to wear humiliating clothing with outsized floral prints.
Before we judge too harshly though, let’s keep in mind some of our own senseless and archaic laws we have here in the states. For example, in Newark, NJ it’s illegal to skin and dress a hobo in public during daylight hours. And in Washington State it’s apparently illegal to mount a surplus minigun to the top of the roof of your truck. Though that’s being challenged in court at the moment. Those things aren’t cheap and I want it the fuck back.
Military intelligence recon photo of one of the suspected salt shaker mines/death camps in the Florida Keys
If you’re interested in liberating the hapless denizens of the Key Archipelago gulags please watch the protest video posted below the fold and donate to the cause.
All they ask of you is “We can haz Cheezburger? In Paradise?” With your help, someday they can.
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