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March 11, 2009

Berliners Mount New Charm Offensive

BERLIN (Reuters) – Berlin has launched a new "friendliness" campaign to keep tourists flocking to the German capital during a time of economic crisis.

With the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall looming in November and the World Championships in athletics due in August, police, street cleaners, airport staff and taxi drivers have begun wearing special red pins to signal to visitors that they are ready to lend a helping hand.
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"Berlin has a reputation in Germany of being a rude city, but we're a rude city with a heart. A heart, a third nipple, and hideously pierced genitals, to be more honest." said Rene Gorka, head of Berlin Partners, a marketing group that promotes the city. "Don't forget the vilest scheiss porn collection in the world," interjected Cornelius, Rene's live-in Whipping Midget, from his perch on a small leather crucifix at the far end of the office. At this, Rene dashed across the room and sodomized Cornelius viciously with a parsnip, praising him.

OK, no, not really.


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