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February 24, 2009

Obama Speech Thread

It's a magical evening.

Live Blogging [ace]: Looking at the grim tableaux of Biden and Pelosi behind the podium, my mindthoughts are sadcrying.

First Lady Worf walks in, apparently wearing something from Vera Wang's Grimmace Collection. A possible embarrassment was avoided, as the USS Nimitz almost wore the same dress.

Rahm Emmanuel walks in and begins calling Ruth Bader Ginsberg a "fucking scumbag." What a card.

Obama is announced. He is shirtless and wears only a jaunty crimson sash and a pirate cutlass, which cleverly hides his genitals. Which Juan Williams comments aren't "all that."

This really pisses me off. I had wanted to watch Gossip Girl and all I get is this crap.

Nancy Pelosi is wearing some sort of Cardassian house-frock from Deep Space Nine. She's also sporting massive Ferengi breast implants. They look like she spent at least 60,000 quatloos on them.

Well, for his "lightening" of the speech, he spoke about the crisis, and then gave an incongruous one-man pep rally about how America is TEH ROXXOR.

Now suggesting we buy some Magic Beans to create new energy.

He's fucking up with the teleprompter, the stuttering prick.

He mentions his "agenda begins with jobs," idiot congressmen applaud to indicate they like jobs.

95% will receive a tax cut... of like eight buck a month.

"Nobody messes with Joe," he insists, as he announces Biden will be leading a "tough, unprecedented oversight" effort. Nobody messes with Joe. Especially not those snipers in Iraq.

Announces his cramdown program. We'll be giving irresponsible homebuyers $2000 per year to live beyond their means.

Red Meat: We're gonna teach those rich bankers a lesson to make up for paying billions to irresponsible homeowners. He gets all yelly in this part, to show he means business. He should have just pointed to Joe Biden -- because no one messes with Joe.

Ah, here's the happy shit again. Young couples buying houses. Companies hiring workers. Babies buying golden crack-pipes.

New common-sense rules of the road.

Ah, we've got to sacrifice some worthy priorities, including "me." He does this childlike overpronounciation on the last word in a sentence, like do. He does that a lot.

I have no fucking idea what he's talking about now. Honestly, I don't.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm ending the live blog, it's just blah blah blah, I swear I cannot focus on this man's empty words long enough to render his sentences sensible.

Bad Moment for Obama: Talks bullshit about keeping deficits down, but gets Republicans cheering until embarrassed and then flashes a fuck-you look as he laughs it off.

"These checks are on their way." Rather inartfully phrased, no?

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posted by Dave In Texas at 08:49 PM

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