Intermarkets' Privacy Policy

Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!

Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

« Homicide Rate in Iraq Less Than One-Sixth the Rate in... America | Main | Doing a Radio Spot in Fifteen Minutes »
December 22, 2008

Happy Life Day: The Making of the Most Reviled Christmas Special Ever -- The Star Wars Holiday Special

The article explains pretty much why it was so bad right away: Bruce Vilanch wrote it. The guy who writes that awful "playful banter" for the Oscars. And presumably decided to put Chewbacca in drag:

I'm still mining the article for quotes. In the meantime, the obligatory link to the horror that is the Star Wars Christmas Special.

But when Vilanch heard Lucas’s storyline at a development meeting at Smith and Hemion’s L.A. offices, he quickly realized that a “big challenge” lay ahead. Lucas was intent on building The Star Wars Holiday Special, as it would be called, around Wookiees—specifically, the family of Chewbacca, Han Solo’s shaggy sidekick, as they outwitted Imperial forces to come together on Life Day, the Wookiee equivalent of Christmas. Suddenly, Vilanch says, the special was in danger of looking like “one long episode of Lassie.”

“I said: ‘You’ve chosen to build a story around these characters who don’t speak. The only sound they make is like fat people having an orgasm,’” the 250-plus-pound Vilanch recalls. “In fact, I told Lucas he could just leave a tape recorder in my bedroom and I’d be happy to do all the looping and Foley work for him.”

Lucas met these comments with a “glacial” look. “This was his vision, and he could not be moved,” Vilanch says. “And of course Star Wars was so gigantic that he had been validated a hundred times over. So he had what a director needs to have, which is this insane belief in their personal vision, and he was somehow going to make it work.”

Villanch's joke is horrid (as usual), but he has a point: Lucas has no sense of what can work and what can't. In his original script for Star Wars, the heroes weren't trying to get a single non-speaking character MacGuffin to Yavin (R2D2 and his secret plans).

Instead, they were escorting the ten person Royal Family of Aquilla (or something) there.

Now imagine that. Instead of just getting one little droid through the Death Star, they'd've had to hustle ten people through. Imagine every time they go around a corner they have to signal ten people to move. Imagine all the wasted film-time, and how stupid it would look, ten people shuffling along in a conga line. It would wind up looking like all the PLF terrorists hiding in the room while the Romans search for them in Life of Brian.

Now also consider that each of those people must be given at least three or four lines to establish them as "characters," and you're talking about another fifteen to twenty minutes of screentime wasted on "characterizing" people who are really mere plot objects.

See? Dumb ideas. He just has no sense when it comes to this stuff.

More weird:

Perhaps the most bizarre sequence of the special is one involving Chewbacca’s dad, Itchy, and a virtual-reality device called a “Mind Evaporator.” Through it, Itchy, who has one of those textbook TV grandpa underbites, views what Mitzie Welch says was intended to be “soft-core porno that would pass the censors.” In 1978, that meant Diahann Carroll as a holographic “Wow” in a Bob Mackie gown and a frosted headdress, singing one of the Welches’ songs. The prurient part comes at the beginning when Carroll tells Itchy, “Oh, oh … We are excited, aren’t we?” which elicits the first—and last—orgasmic shudder ever to be seen in a Star Wars vehicle.

As a bit of trivia, Boba Fett was introduced in a cartoon segment of this special, not in Empire Strikes Back. He was both introduced and disposed of (in that stupid comical death at the Sarlacc Pit) in a shabby way.

Thanks to Dan Collins of Protein Wisdom.

I'd Like to See... a fan pay back Lucas for ruining the original trilogy by tastelessly digitally inserting banthas and robots and explosions into the Christmas Special. Like have cute robots fighting when Bea Arthur is singing.

Of course, that would make the special better, alas.

digg this
posted by Ace at 05:19 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
hifi: "that which does not kill me makes me stronger. ..."

sock_rat_eez - they have been lying to us for decades[/i][/s][/b][/u]: "JJ is up! nood! ..."

Huck Follywood: "When does Trump officially become the candidate? O ..."

sock_rat_eez - they have been lying to us for decades[/i][/s][/b][/u]: "G'mornin' Horde! remember to delete after typin ..."

meh: "People are such assholes. I am sorry I said anythi ..."

Warai-otoko : ""Why are we here?" "Plastic, asshole." ..."

Warai-otoko : "Hmmm i wonder if nature knows that splitting up th ..."

2nd Class Horde Member: "Try laminating your torn paper membership card wit ..."

NR Pax: "Good morning, everyone! ..."

m: "94 Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. Posted by: Captain Obviou ..."

Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea, Radioactive Knight: "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: m at July 15, 2024 06:27 AM (64Zez) ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64