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September 20, 2008

AoSHQ Top 10 Rules of Dating (Kat-Mo)

Anybody else get the feeling that we're re-living the last days of "The Roaring 20's"? I think it's an interesting analogy ("analogy" not "anal", a$$hole perverts) considering that Ace of Spades HQ is like the sleaziest, best damn Al Capone speak-easy of the Conservative Blogo-sphere.

It's been like a month of full moons with all the crazies howling and banging their heads into brick walls like the kids from Disturbing Behavior.

The only thing more disturbing is the thought of valu-rite vodka soaked morons in tap pants and flapper dresses.

The mind reels...

Any who...Since the world is coming to an end and there seemed to be an inordinate amount of copious wondering about meeting women amongst the cornucopia of morons on this website, I thought we'd go over some of the AoSHQ Top 10 Rules of Dating and party like it's 1999.

#10 Do not let your would be girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other read any blogs you post or comment on. Particularly, AoSHQ. They are bound to read one of your comments and go, "WTF?!" Game over.

#9 If you do send them a link or convince them to read this moronic blog full of spermicidal crack heads and they tell you how f*cking funny it is, quick, dump them in the car, buy a case of valu-rite and get to Vegas before they sober up. Elvis will wait in the building until you get there. You can kill a hobo together in celebration.

#8 If your date insists on sleeping over after the first date and he or she is there when you wake up in the morning, congratulations, you've probably just invested in the AoSHQ Life Style super re-enforced, rubber blow up doll. For a long, healthy and happy relationship, avoid sharp objects and wash regularly.


#7 Do not show them your hobo kill trophies on the first date. The second may be questionable, too. However, if they insist on stopping by the liquor store for some valu-rite vodka and killing a hobo on the way home...you know... Vegas.

#6 No! You are not dating Sarah Palin. Calling your date "Sarah" doesn't make it true, either. However, if your date is a member of "NOW" or otherwise left leaning feminista, call her "Sarah" repeatedly and watch her vomit in murderous rage until her head explodes. Might just be...

THE. BEST. DAMN. AoSHQ. DATE. EVAH.

#5 Take your hand out of your pants and stop picking your nose. Moron.

#4 Do not "accidentally" share Ace's "accidental" links to lesbian porn on the first date. If you do and she really, really likes it, DO NOT introduce her to alexthechick. You will be date-less within a week.

#3 Work the words Concerned, Christian, Conservative and Obama into a sentence. If she doesn't blink, act like you have to go to the bathroom and get the hell out of there.

#2 For our Log Cabin friends...Andrew Sullivan. JUST. DON'T. DO. IT!!!

#1 If you are a true acolyte of the AoSHQ Life Style, try ourdating service. It's probably the only date you will ever have.

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posted by xgenghisx at 03:34 AM

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