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May 18, 2008

I thought I told you to go before we left the airbase! (genghis)

Here at the HQ, a very smart military blog, we try to keep you up to date with the latest in cutting-edge advancements regarding the arsenal of freedom, whether they be powered exoskeletons, airborne laser weapons or the gay bomb.

So in that spirit I'm pleased to present to you the Advanced Mission Extender Device (AMXD). So what's it all about you ask?

Where do fighter pilots traveling faster than the speed of sound go when they really need to "go"? Until recently, the answer has been: into a bag.

But it's not a great solution. "Piddle packs" -- heavy-duty bags containing absorbent sponges -- have been blamed for at least two crashes over the years, and they're not always tidy.

Under the old system, pilots routinely avoid liquids before taking off to prevent the unmentionable. But dehydration can make them more susceptible to the G-forces typically seen in fighter aircraft, Harvie said.

When nature's call becomes too pressing to ignore, a pilot has to fly and unbuckle the harness at the same time -- while using both hands to maneuver around in a seat to which he or she is virtually molded.

The aerobatic maneuver is even harder for female pilots.

I’m guessing it’s because women lack opposable thumbs, but I digress. So how has this problem been solved?
In the AMXD, a cup for a man and a pad for a woman is strategically placed before the pilot dons a flight suit.

Strategically placed? I suppose they could’ve put them on a wing pylon, but…well, never mind. Sorry to interrupt.
An instructional DVD tells pilots: "When the time comes to urinate, unzip the flight suit, remove the hose.... The control unit will pump the urine from the cup to the collection bag, where it will be chemically gelled.
Pilots are free to think about other business. "

Damned non-multi-tasking slackers! Seems to me though that the resulting chemical gel could be put to better use and combined with other dangerous ordinance about to be dropped on soon-to-be enemy carcasses.

Smells like...

Considering the male version of the device is a pump, I wonder if DoD could've saved themselves $5 million and just responded to an e-mail spam for "male enhancement."

digg this
posted by xgenghisx at 09:37 PM

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