Sponsored Content
« Minute 16: Tonya Harding Claims Goons Raped Her Into Silence | Main | Porn Star Nina Hartley's Site Hacked by "Jihadist Cyber-Warriors" »
May 18, 2008

I thought I told you to go before we left the airbase! (genghis)

Here at the HQ, a very smart military blog, we try to keep you up to date with the latest in cutting-edge advancements regarding the arsenal of freedom, whether they be powered exoskeletons, airborne laser weapons or the gay bomb.

So in that spirit I'm pleased to present to you the Advanced Mission Extender Device (AMXD). So what's it all about you ask?

Where do fighter pilots traveling faster than the speed of sound go when they really need to "go"? Until recently, the answer has been: into a bag.

But it's not a great solution. "Piddle packs" -- heavy-duty bags containing absorbent sponges -- have been blamed for at least two crashes over the years, and they're not always tidy.

Under the old system, pilots routinely avoid liquids before taking off to prevent the unmentionable. But dehydration can make them more susceptible to the G-forces typically seen in fighter aircraft, Harvie said.

When nature's call becomes too pressing to ignore, a pilot has to fly and unbuckle the harness at the same time -- while using both hands to maneuver around in a seat to which he or she is virtually molded.

The aerobatic maneuver is even harder for female pilots.

I’m guessing it’s because women lack opposable thumbs, but I digress. So how has this problem been solved?
In the AMXD, a cup for a man and a pad for a woman is strategically placed before the pilot dons a flight suit.

Strategically placed? I suppose they could’ve put them on a wing pylon, but…well, never mind. Sorry to interrupt.
An instructional DVD tells pilots: "When the time comes to urinate, unzip the flight suit, remove the hose.... The control unit will pump the urine from the cup to the collection bag, where it will be chemically gelled.
Pilots are free to think about other business. "

Damned non-multi-tasking slackers! Seems to me though that the resulting chemical gel could be put to better use and combined with other dangerous ordinance about to be dropped on soon-to-be enemy carcasses.

Smells like...

Considering the male version of the device is a pump, I wonder if DoD could've saved themselves $5 million and just responded to an e-mail spam for "male enhancement."

digg this
posted by xgenghisx at 09:37 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
San Franpsycho: "Different station says it was a targeted attack. T ..."

San Franpsycho: "Good morning morons Local TV news reports aroun ..."

Skip : "Was lightly raining when I went to bed, no idea ho ..."

JT: "Last night and tonight's titles were riffs off of ..."

JT: "Hiya Skip ! ..."

check this link right here now: "Hey! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site ..."

Ciampino - some Coffea arabica would be good: "401 396 knock knock, anyone home? Posted by: Ciam ..."

Skip : "As expected Howdy everyone ..."

JT: "(looks around....) I show up and everybody turn ..."

JT: " 396 knock knock, anyone home? Posted by: Ciampin ..."

JT: "Hi JT. A bath with soap yes. The forest/jungle is ..."

JT: "Yeah. About ready to leave for work, though. Post ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64