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March 29, 2008

AoS Lifestyletm Pharmaceuticals, LLC [krakatoa]

In an ongoing effort to "broaden brand appeal" Ace green-lighted a foray into health-care, with the predictable outcome.

A rattlesnake rancher who calls himself Bayou Bob found a new way to make money: Stick a rattler inside a bottle of vodka and market the concoction as an "ancient Asian elixir."

Unfortunately for Bob, and in true AoS spirit, he never bothered to find out if his actions were illegal. He is now being charged with selling alcohol without a license, and possession of alcohol with intent to sell.

Popplewell said he will fight the charges. His intent, he said, is not to sell an alcoholic beverage but a healing tonic. He said he has customers of Asian descent who believe the concoction has medicinal properties.

"It's almost a spiritual thing," said Popplewell, 63.

Preach on, Brother Bob!

Even if Popplewell intended his drink be used as a healing tonic — an assertion the alcohol commission disputes — his use of vodka requires a state permit, authorities said.

"It's sold for beverage purposes, and he knows what he's doing," commission Sgt. Charlie Cloud said.

Methinks Sgt. cloud gives Bob just a little too much credit, if I know my AoS Lifestyle cohorts. Knowing what one is doing hardly ever makes the working copy of any AoS business plan.

How do I know he's one of the flock? Let's let him speak for himself:

Popplewell said he uses the cheapest vodka he can find as a preservative for the snakes. The end result is a super sweet mixed drink that Popplewell compared to cough syrup.

Is it safe? And more importantly, does it work?

"I've honestly never seen a person drink it," he said.

Indeed. 5 parts Val-u-Rite, 2 parts Viper, and 9 parts pure speculative fiction. Well played sir!

The press does dig up some support for him though. One Asian studies expert prodded for comment did indeed grant Bayou Bob a little credit, relating the concoction to the infamous "Snake Alley" in Taiwan:

...street vendors put the gall bladder of a freshly killed snake into a glass of strong liquor. The drink, sold to the highest bidder, is supposed to improve eyesight and sexual performance, said lecturer Camilla Hsieh.

"It's like the ancient version of Viagra," Hsieh said.

However, our AoS Lone Star stringer Dave in Texas maintains that real men like him handle their E.D. the old fashioned way:

"I generally will blow about 20 bucks on a cheap hooker, spend the next 30 minutes sobbing uncontrollably into said hooker's lap, and finish the night off with the ceremonial lighting of a hobo on fire."
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posted by xgenghisx at 08:09 PM

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