la'Affaire Rebecca Aguilar poll | Main | "Judas Priest"
October 19, 2007

Doctor Feelgood Contest Winners

Original thread here, about a dentist who used a somewhat implausible explanation for massaging his patients' breasts.

It says 'Top Ten,' but there's more than ten and they're listed whimsically, roughly in order of ascending filth.

Side note: I said the words "uterus can go under crab rangoon" out loud to myself while arranging the post. That's happened many times since I became a co-blogger here, but this is the first time it actually meant something.

Top Ten Signs Your Doctor Might Be Sexually Abusing You


* In his Dental School graduation photos, his face has been 'swirled'.

* The dental chair has a quarter slot for vibrate.

* You notice that there are handcuffs on the instrument tray.

* You tell him you've never heard of "Tantric Dentistry".

* The scheduling clerk gives you that 'knowing wink'.

* You wake up and see that little drool vacuum in his pants.

* He tells you he can determine the onset of gum disease by testing your nipple sensitivity [edited slightly for format].

* The gown provided to you to wear is actually a vintage 1970's Wonder Woman outfit with the crotch cut out.

* All of your dental x-rays seem to include a pelvic bone.

* His business card lists him as an "Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat and Poontang" specialist.

* All of the hygienists are asian and dressed in leather.

* After each appointment, your nipples are 'minty fresh'.

* After a cleaning your mouth tastes like crab rangoon.

* He prefers to do your dental surgery by going in through the uterus.

* There are three anal probes, four ball gags and one cock ring in his autoclave.

* After whitening your teeth he notes you are also in serious need of an anal bleaching. The hygienist nods in agreement.

* Instead of cleaning your teeth he just spends forty-five minutes trying to foot-fuck you.

* You wake up from the anesthesia and all you see are testicles.

* He has a suspiciously well thought out argument prepared regarding how taking a dump on your chest is implicit in the Hippocratic Oath.


Congratulations to the winners, and thanks to all for being so danged funny.

digg this
posted by LauraW. at 10:55 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Duke Lowell : "Hmmmmmmm. Weird. ..."

Slapweasel, (Cold1), ([b]T[/b]) Baseball Nut [/i] [/b] [/u] [/s]: "*Boom-Shakka-Lakka!* ..."

Alberta Oil Peon, survivor of GNAMM: "Coolest physics demo I saw was a standing wave, di ..."

buzzion: "[i]386 Oh dear, am I gonna go all militant German ..."

tu3031: "Went to school near there in the 80's - very Irish ..."

2009Refugee: "Oh dear, am I gonna go all militant German Left Wi ..."

buzzion: "[i]381 Baader-Meinhof. Posted by: flounder, rebel ..."

flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner: "Coolest physics demo I saw was a standing wave, di ..."

riktheYFITB: "Know how there's one (1) Howard Johnson's restaura ..."

Bob @ NSA: "[i]I had never heard of that bowling ball demo, th ..."

flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner: "Baader-Meinhof. ..."

Professor Chaos aka gumdrop gorilla: "This Damon Affleck thing is also not good for Jimm ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64