la'Affaire Rebecca Aguilar poll | Main | "Judas Priest"
October 19, 2007

Doctor Feelgood Contest Winners

Original thread here, about a dentist who used a somewhat implausible explanation for massaging his patients' breasts.

It says 'Top Ten,' but there's more than ten and they're listed whimsically, roughly in order of ascending filth.

Side note: I said the words "uterus can go under crab rangoon" out loud to myself while arranging the post. That's happened many times since I became a co-blogger here, but this is the first time it actually meant something.

Top Ten Signs Your Doctor Might Be Sexually Abusing You

* In his Dental School graduation photos, his face has been 'swirled'.

* The dental chair has a quarter slot for vibrate.

* You notice that there are handcuffs on the instrument tray.

* You tell him you've never heard of "Tantric Dentistry".

* The scheduling clerk gives you that 'knowing wink'.

* You wake up and see that little drool vacuum in his pants.

* He tells you he can determine the onset of gum disease by testing your nipple sensitivity [edited slightly for format].

* The gown provided to you to wear is actually a vintage 1970's Wonder Woman outfit with the crotch cut out.

* All of your dental x-rays seem to include a pelvic bone.

* His business card lists him as an "Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat and Poontang" specialist.

* All of the hygienists are asian and dressed in leather.

* After each appointment, your nipples are 'minty fresh'.

* After a cleaning your mouth tastes like crab rangoon.

* He prefers to do your dental surgery by going in through the uterus.

* There are three anal probes, four ball gags and one cock ring in his autoclave.

* After whitening your teeth he notes you are also in serious need of an anal bleaching. The hygienist nods in agreement.

* Instead of cleaning your teeth he just spends forty-five minutes trying to foot-fuck you.

* You wake up from the anesthesia and all you see are testicles.

* He has a suspiciously well thought out argument prepared regarding how taking a dump on your chest is implicit in the Hippocratic Oath.

Congratulations to the winners, and thanks to all for being so danged funny.

digg this
posted by Laura. at 10:55 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Bandersnatch: "[i] every street will be canal street.[/i] Th ..."

ScoggDog: "[i]Common interests are super-important in long-te ..."

josephistan: ""Look at the size of that thing!" ..."

Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine, GECSPLAN, SMR, and Ancient Slavonaut Newsletters: "478. Following completion of Grand North American ..."

Deplorable Jay Guevara[/i][/s][/b]: "[i]Okay, trying to be a little more serious here.. ..."

Insomniac : "They say Canal Street is pretty reasonable, off se ..."

mikeyG: " "There is good in him, I have felt it." ..."

Abby: "Never get the flu shot. Have taken care of people ..."

yankeefifth: "Liz reach out to him...and ask if he wants to han ..."

K.N. McBride: "Okay, trying to be a little more serious here...Co ..."

kraken: "474 Can't afford them. Don't think I could go t ..."

Bandersnatch: "[i] Random request: does anyone have a list of, or ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64