Psychologist Reads Rosie's Revelations; Diagnoses Her As Suffering From "Advanced Brainfuck"

Hm. I needed a psychiatrist to tell me this crap.

Ranting Rosie O'Donnell is full of rage, has a profound distrust of men, craves pub lic adoration, shows signs of post-traumatic stress disorder and dishes out her anger mostly to women because of deep-seated abandonment issues over her mother's death, said a psychiatrist after reading her latest memoir, "Celebrity Detox."

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O'Donnell has insight into her neuroses - but is unable to control them, or change her behavior, says Dr. Robert Butterworth - a Los Angeles clinical psychologist who has done extensive work in the area of childhood trauma.

"Freud would have a field day with this book - everybody is somebody else," Butterworth said after reading the 200-page mix of adult musings, random childhood flashbacks and reams of prosy writings from Rosie's blog. "Obviously, she has a whole thing with men. Donald Trump is like a substitute daddy paying for something that happened in her past," he observed.

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She calls the ultra-conservative Hasselbeck - with whom she clashed frequently on-air - a "fist in a frill."

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THE root of many of the rotund comic's issues, the shrinks agree, was her mother's unexpected death from cancer when O'Donnell was only 10.

Traumatized, she hid her psychological scars behind aggressive humor and a tough, tomboy façade. But, in one of her book's most explosive chapters, she admits to breaking her own fingers as a way to stanch her emotional pain and seek attention.

"Mostly by myself, in my bedroom, with a heavy wooden hanger or a small Mets baseball bat," O'Donnell writes. "My hands and fingers usually. No one knew. My secret."

She also hints - but never confirms - that she was sexually abused at the hands of a "strange man" who came in her bedroom window at night.

The bizarre revelation, presented as a hazy memory of telling her mom the next morning that "a man came at night and got me," pops up as a flashback juxtaposed against Rosie's teary and rage-filled confrontation with Walters over the Trump flap while they got their hair and makeup done in ABC studios.

O'Donnell explains her off-camera confrontation with Walters by relating a murky recollection from her Long Island youth in 1971 - "memories . . . more in feeling than form" -when she told her mother of the frightening intrusion by a mysterious man.

She says she never felt her mom believed her story - or that the man kept returning.

I won't go the easy route (and nasty) route about this rape story, except to say it sounds like an utter hallucination, and if your mom, your protector, isn't buying that "mystery man" is sneaking through your window every night to molest you, that's probably some pretty good evidence it was all in that bloated vat of bad chemicals you call a head.

What is amazing is that Rosie never was funny, and obviously was always hideously unattractive, and yet she is, hateful as it is for me to admit it, a Major Celebrity.

It reminds me of that Supreme Court nominee who was challenged on grounds of being stupid. One of his boneheaded supporters said something like, "People with mediocre minds have a right to be represented on the Supreme Court too," perhaps the most damning show of "support" in the past century.

How sad does one have to be to actually look at Rosie and say, "Yeah, there's a together woman with a lot on the ball, delightful and funny and attractive, the sort of person I wish I could meet, maybe even wish I could be?" She's a celebrity for that sad segment of our society that can't even aspire to venerate someone with genuine talent and charisma like, say, Bruce Villanche.

I guess I get a bit of that too, given that the more pathetic specimens on the left view me as a kind of low-level celebrity or minor political macher.

I've got a bit of that "Rosie O'Donnell magnetism," I suppose.*

* And of course you guys too. We were all celebrities that night, with our own very sad pathetic corps of paparazzi.

Honestly, I'm trying to avoid all this crap, because I don't want to throw traffic to a lame site that has a collective man-crush on me, but I do see some of you are over there. Please stop, they're not worth it. You're arguing with lice.

Bonus! Dem- and Ron Paul donor Barry Manilow won't appear on The View because he refuses to share the stage with someone as despicable as Elizabeth Hasselback.

Unlike most celebrity stunts, I'm willing to give Manilow his props for courage here. He gets invited to be on television about as frequently as I do. I admit he's putting his conscience before his career; by refusing to come on The View, he's forgoing literally dozens of dollars from the gate of his massively unpromoted concert at Six Flags Hershey Park (where, in a musical first, the horn section will ride the Log Flume throughout the show).

posted by Ace at 02:22 PM

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