Today Is Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year and the Beginning of the High Holidays, Or As Most People Know It, Thursday

A Norm MacDonald joke there. Anyway, happy Rosh Hashana.

The true "Jews didn't show up for work that day" conspiracy begins today, as millions of Jews who seem fairly secular and semi-observant suddenly discover they must start leaving work early every Friday for the next three months to beat the traffic avoid using electricity.

What a scam. Well-played, Jews. Very well-played.

Some Lesser-Known Jewish Conspiracies Noted Here: Good times. Some of the better ones are quoted at Christopher's blog. Some good ones:

You know when you get a bag of pistachios and there are some that aren't partially cracked open already. They break your eating rythm and you have to decide whether it's worth it to crack them open with your teeth or whether you should just them away.

That's the Jew's handiwork.

You when you take a crap in a public bathroom and then realize that there isn't any toilet paper - that's because a Jew took it.
-by steve_in_hb

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You know when you go to the zoo to see the monkeys and lions and bears but those cages are all "closed for maintenance" and you waste your fuckin' day in the Turtle House?

That's because Jews can't have a bar mitzvah without monkeys and lions and bears.

404 Error?

No such thing exists.. It's a Kabbala code for "We whacked Christ."
-by ace

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You know when "some people" are moving in on you, and using the blacks as muscle?

I think you know where I'm headed with this.
-by an Illinois Nazi

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You know who created the whole myth that women can have orgasms - perverted Jews.
-by steve_in_hb

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Fran Drescher's career?

I guess she was just "lucky."

Brussel sprouts. Gee, a vegetable nobody likes but everyone seems compelled to buy.

"Jew lettuce," that's what I call it.
-by ace

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Daylight.
Savings.
Time.

Just so they could sell you more crap on the way home from work.

-- by Dave in Texas

posted by Ace at 12:19 PM

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