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August 14, 2007

And You Thought You Already Didn't Like Micahel Vick: Lawsuit Alleges He's An Al Qaeda Terrorist Who's Purchased Missiles From Iran

You may scoff, but the guy did file a lawsuit. A lawsuit demanding the Dr. Evil-esque figure of "63,000,000,000 billion dollars." Which I think is more commonly known as 63 hextillion dollars, actually (to the extent it's known of at all), but what's a few thousand orders of magnitudes between friends?

I'm going to take a wait and see attitude towards this. As the last paragraph here suggests, he seems to be a fan of Ron Paul (The Only Man Who Can Save America), which makes me thinks his credibility is pretty solid.

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned.

Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.

Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Let's just say the narrative may be right though the facts are wrong.

Let's imagine what the bill of complaint might look like here:

Michael Vick took the following actions causing injury to the complaining party:

1) Swore allegiance to Al Qaeda

2) Stole a couple of the complaining party's dogs

3) Violated the various US trade embargoes with Iran as well as numerous weapon possession laws by purchasing missiles from the Iranian government

4) Continues "physically hurting and dashing [the] hopes" of the complaining party

Stephanie (I think) sent this to me, and from the quotes in the email, I thought she was just simply insane. I was about to just click away from it, figuring this was some nut making wild allegations, or trying to be funny.

But nope, it's a real lawsuit.

A spokesman for Michael Vick just emailed me to say he "has all reasonable hope" that a settlement can be reached for "somewhere in the neighborhood of ninety three thousand trillion billion dollars."

John Cole of Balloon-Juice Just Emailed Me, Too... to tell me that even if I debunk this lawsuit as specious, "it still doesn't prove that things are going great in Iraq."

True enough, and I'm very sorry I misled my readers by suggesting that.


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posted by Ace at 06:03 PM

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