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August 04, 2007

Tangerines vs Hollywood Hairdressers [rcl]

Mrs. John Edwards has seen the enemy. It's not Al Queda. It's not the Chinese. It's not even Ann Coulter (well, it is Ann Coulter, but she uses diffferent hair products). It's fruit.

"...We've been moving back to 'buy local,'" Mrs.
Edwards said, outlining a trade policy that
"acknowledges the carbon footprint" of transporting
fruit..."I live in North Carolina. I'll probably never
eat a tangerine again," she said, speaking of a time
when the fruit is reaches the price that it "needs" to


Now don't get me wrong. I am not advocating for
tangerines or any other citrus fruits. As a phylum,
citri is perhaps the most arrogant bunch in the food
chain. They can only grow in sunny climes, at the
first sign of frost they just roll over and die, they
have to be transported first class (by food stuff
standards). On the whole, they are the spoiled
equivalent of the whiny, affluent liberal. And the
tangerine? Don't even get me started. It's too regal
to condescend to be pulped to juice. Yeah, I have
never really warmed up to fruits, especially since
that incident in the public bathroom with that guy
named Andrew...I don't want to talk about it.

That being said, I still can't get behind Mrs. Edwards
brave and important boycott of the pernicious
tangerine. Yes, it is a vile, vastly overated seed
pod. But a boycott based upon it's carbon footprint?

"..At first, the haircuts were free. But because
Torrenueva often had to fly somewhere on the campaign
trail to meet his client, he began charging $300 to
$500 for each cut, plus the cost of airfare and hotels
when he had to travel outside California...Torrenueva
said one haircut during the 2004 presidential race
cost $1,250 because he traveled to Atlanta and lost
two days of work..."

I believe flying leaves a little carbon footprint,
even when the cause is important, like delivering
transplant organs, life-flighting children from
accident scenes or...flying in your Hollywood
hairdresser for a quick touch-up.

Besides, I was talking politics with a gay
hairdressser and he assured me that John aka "Silky
Pony" Edwards can only get that silky sheen from a
mango infused conditioner.

Is Mrs. Edwards willing to take on the foreign born
mango? If she does, what rights are we to accord it
under our Constitution, even though it is neither
native nor a citizen? Do Geneva Accords apply? Can we
employ rendition tactics. Can we pulp it? Are we sure
that Dick Cheney doesn't hold stock in the United
Fruit Co.?

Before we start attacking one fruit, we ahd better be
damned sure that we are willing to go all out against
ALL fruits, regardles of color, taste or country of
origin. Let's not get stuck in but another quagmire.



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posted by xgenghisx at 11:27 PM

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