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July 27, 2007

Scott Beauchamp Haiku Contest

For those who favor the short form.

Here's a good jumping off point. What follows is genuine Scott Thomas Beauchamps, the "greatest emerging poet" in America, by self-declaration.

bavarian stories in some sort of rounded metaphysical order...personality death stories intersecting with poesy home memory reflections. You begin with a place and an action and let it carry in every direction till the words are vibrating on the page, dripping in thick robust delapidated (sic) barnhouses of adjectives and pronouns...no time for the subtle gray faced calculations of a PERFORMED intimacy...go...but remember what Kerouac forgot: revision is spontaneous also. a brief coming back to america introduction, stories about soldiers, prositutes (sic), innocent students rendered featherless by dark rivets of experience and the decadence of human pursuits in every vein...and then there's the veins...follow 'em. Cut your wrist let it bleed onto the paper in unique soulpatterns of mindthoughts.

Via Hit & Run, which thinks he should be court--martialed just for that passage alone.

Incidentally, his wife did win some sort of major prize in her youth for writing or editing... As the Godfather said to the undertaker, "I need all of your skills to make my son presentable to his mother."

So please, cut your wrist let it bleed onto the paper in unique soulpatterns of mindthoughts drifting into brainfarts of spiritqueefs.

More Inspiration From the Greatest Emerging Poet In America:

Just envision all the work we'd have to do Ben, to reach the formality that you so fear and crave. Isn't it more rewarding to throw loose collections of existential darts at each others pictures?

Plus your blog sucks a truckers cum out of a hookers fat snatch. Only because its not up and running correctly.

Lets not fall into despondency. Or depravity. Depravity is having other people define depravity for you.

Yeah, he really said it. And that middle part? Is by far the least objectionable, vomit-inducing part of the post.

Via Dan Riehl, who's been sending me far too many tips for my little moronbrain to read them all.

Mindthoughts? Soulpatterns is a meaningless portmanteau, but at least it is non-redundant in its meaninglessness. In other words, there's no such thing as a soulpattern, ergo you're making up a new word when you say "soulpattern." Not a good, necessary, or useful word, but a new (pretentious, stupid, juvenile, needless) word.

Now... mindthoughts, on the other hand.

As opposed to... Toethoughts? Eyebrowthoughts? Pyloricvalvethoughts? Those-hammer-and-anvil-thingees-in-your-earthoughts?

Greatest fucking emerging poet in America.

Mind-expanding intellect.

Are your minds expanded, y'all?

Or should I say -- are your mindthoughts expanded?

Elspeth, I need a pretentious, tasteless word-substitution for the word "eyes."

Do you think "skulltesticles" sounds pretty good?


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posted by Ace at 03:17 AM

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