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July 27, 2007

Scott Thomas: International Soldier of Mystery

You're not anyone until you have a parody blog in your honor.

They’re turning us in to monsters

Its a shame the common folk don’t realize when we’re in the Sandbox we’re being handed “vitamins” on a daily basis, but they aren’t the regular Flintstones, they’re being used to get us all amped up to go on killing sprees and wipe out entire villages of Sand-wops…

We crept through the oil fields on a raid the other night, probably into neighboring Saudi Arabia, and burned an entire village to the ground. Their sand huts were set ablaze and we used sling-shots with special darts, made from the spit of the man-bear-pig, to finish off the survivors. The poor bastards never stood a chance.

As we were air lifted out the gunner on the ‘chopper was just firing indiscriminately at a bunch of brown-people tending their sand-patties. I asked him how he could tell the enemy and he just laughs maniacally, I guess the vitamin hadn’t worn off yet, and starts screaming they’re all terrorists. “If they run they’re a terrorist, if they don’t run they’re a well trained terrorist.” He had written “Sand-wops Iced Since ‘03″ beside the door and was actually keeping score. The pilot said they’ve had to re-skin the inside of the ‘chopper twice when he ran out of places to mark kills, so they didn’t have a total count on hand, but their last estimate was over six-hundred-thousand.

Its those “vitamins” that get our blood lust up and we just can’t help but killing. Hell our CO, Major Payne, is all the time saying that “killin’ is his business and business is good“. I’m not sure what’s become of us, but it isn’t natural and damned sure isn’t humane.

Funny stuff. But I have to say our own Beauchamp-Lytton contestants are giving it their all as well. Some funny friggin' stuff in the contest thread below.

Some of you weisenheimers might want to re-write your stuff so it's in the ScottThomas.us style (i.e., always from Scott Thomas' POV) and submit it to that guy. So your stuff can be preserved forever side by side with Scott Thomas' exploits.

Sean Gleeson's... entry is over on discarded lies, since he posts there. So I thought I'd link it. It's called "Storm Troopers." Good stuff.


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posted by Ace at 12:40 AM

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