« Shattered Glass 2: Doubting Thomas | Main | Navy Codger Called "Nerd" In Online Spat, So He Drives 1300 Miles To Burn Down Accuser's Home »
July 27, 2007

Scott Thomas: International Soldier of Mystery

You're not anyone until you have a parody blog in your honor.

They’re turning us in to monsters

Its a shame the common folk don’t realize when we’re in the Sandbox we’re being handed “vitamins” on a daily basis, but they aren’t the regular Flintstones, they’re being used to get us all amped up to go on killing sprees and wipe out entire villages of Sand-wops…

We crept through the oil fields on a raid the other night, probably into neighboring Saudi Arabia, and burned an entire village to the ground. Their sand huts were set ablaze and we used sling-shots with special darts, made from the spit of the man-bear-pig, to finish off the survivors. The poor bastards never stood a chance.

As we were air lifted out the gunner on the ‘chopper was just firing indiscriminately at a bunch of brown-people tending their sand-patties. I asked him how he could tell the enemy and he just laughs maniacally, I guess the vitamin hadn’t worn off yet, and starts screaming they’re all terrorists. “If they run they’re a terrorist, if they don’t run they’re a well trained terrorist.” He had written “Sand-wops Iced Since ‘03″ beside the door and was actually keeping score. The pilot said they’ve had to re-skin the inside of the ‘chopper twice when he ran out of places to mark kills, so they didn’t have a total count on hand, but their last estimate was over six-hundred-thousand.

Its those “vitamins” that get our blood lust up and we just can’t help but killing. Hell our CO, Major Payne, is all the time saying that “killin’ is his business and business is good“. I’m not sure what’s become of us, but it isn’t natural and damned sure isn’t humane.

Funny stuff. But I have to say our own Beauchamp-Lytton contestants are giving it their all as well. Some funny friggin' stuff in the contest thread below.

Some of you weisenheimers might want to re-write your stuff so it's in the ScottThomas.us style (i.e., always from Scott Thomas' POV) and submit it to that guy. So your stuff can be preserved forever side by side with Scott Thomas' exploits.

Sean Gleeson's... entry is over on discarded lies, since he posts there. So I thought I'd link it. It's called "Storm Troopers." Good stuff.

digg this
posted by Ace at 12:40 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
hogmartin: "[i]My bad. Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 15, ..."

CMU VET: "Well, you can't beat that. ..."

mallfly the Peach of Hoboken: "that's a funny photo. was she taking shooting less ..."

Bitter Clinger: "Did I overlook where this was discussed in the thr ..."

AlaBAMA: "367 I like men who are sure of themselves and secu ..."

Guzalot: "317 I guess I'm part of the very narrow portion of ..."

Miley, the High Duchess [b] [/b] [i] [/i]: "Cunning linguistics? Posted by: Calm Mentor at ..."

hogmartin: "[i]back on this topic's actual topic, what is a Bu ..."

Miley, the High Duchess [b] [/b] [i] [/i]: "Cooking dinner and painting her toenails for her. ..."

Calm Mentor: "You know, stimulating tricks. Posted by: Miley, t ..."

ALH: "I like men who are sure of themselves and secure i ..."

CMU VET: "It's not "up my sleeve." ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64