Pitch Your Offsets

Since people are offering offsets for carbon -- and other stuff -- figured it would make for a good thread.

I personally can offer sex-offsets, for any worried they're getting more than their "fair share." I haven't been with a woman since college, and have had little other sex during this time frame. Given the way I look, my attitude, my lack of charm, and the fact I make crap money writing a stupid moronblog -- I don't expect this to change much in the ensuing years.

Especially because I'm beyond my "good years." If those were my good years, Dear Lord, I quake at the thought of middle age. So please send me some money.

Hollowpoint's also advertising:

Let's see- the Harley gets better gas mileage than my car, so that should yield a few credits every time I ride. Nevermind the high duration cams, unburned fuel doesn't count.

Deer exhale carbon dioxide, eat carbon dioxide absorbing plants, and fart methane. Eating them also means less cattle need to be raised- therefore every deer I shoot and eat should be worth quite a few credits- just last fall I removed 4 of these carbon-negative beasts from the woods and into my freezer.

I've no kids that I know of- chalk up a few more credits.

That man-made global warming theory is bullshit will not prevent me from taking the money of anyone willing to pay for my selfless, carbon-reducing lifestyle.

Slublog can be had too:

I don't like airplanes, and have not flown since 2003. That is four years of carbon credits I've built up.

I promise you - if you pay me money, I will stay on the ground.

It's like planting your own rain forest.

Of course Iowahawk is the real first-to-market genius in this area. He's got bumper-stickers and everything!

Hummer Drivers... will now be credited with "environmental damage offsets" to off-set the horrible environmental damage caused by the production of its ostentatious "lifestyle vehicle" competitor, the Prius.

posted by Ace at 04:12 PM

| Access Comments