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January 20, 2007
Steven Seagal Contest WinnersThis was one great contest. When the call went out, you guys responded in droves, proving once again that you are, hands down, the best bunch of commenters anywhere on the Internet. Thanks a bunch to each confused, unwashed one of you. Before we start, let's give some credit where credit's due. The original idea came from a post by Levy over at The Daily Gut, so let's acknowledge him. For anyone who missed them the first time, the two Seagal threads are here and here. The contest was judged according to standards that made no pretense of either fairness or balance. I disqualified myself, but beyond that the winners were chosen with regard to nothing more than my own capricious whims. I tried to do a top ten, but such was the quality of so many entries that I had to settle for a top thirty-seven or so. And even that number left out a lot of funny stuff. But enough talking. Let's meet the winners.
Steven Seagal is...Licking Himself Like A Beast (drolmorg) It works on so many levels. Roc Ingersol notes that "you can never bust Wickedpinto's chops enough." Therefore: Steven Seagal is...Breaking A Bitch My fellow coblogger lauraw contributes the next two: Steven Seagal is...Slower These Days Which may help explain skinbad's observation that: Steven Seagal is...Adopting An African Next, let's honor those that displayed Humorous Incongruity. Steven Seagal is...Sharing His Feelings (Rosetta) Although not his cheese fries. Steven Seagal is...Considering The Third Stage Marxist-Feminist Perspective (get_in_the_van_498) And rounding things out, Pupster voices everyone's secret wish: Steven Seagal is...Accepting The Oscar Moving along: No contest here would be complete without Dorky Gaming References: Steven Seagal is...Suspended For Profanity (Lapsed Leftist) And I know how he feels. Steven Seagal is...Rolling Wisdom Check (some guy>) Ponytail Check probably would have been more promising. Steven Seagal is...Camping The Rail (get_in_the_van_498) An excellent Quake 3 nod, and exactly what you'd expect a fat guy to do on CTF4. The following entries fall under the Seagal Is A Perv rubric, and are two of the creepiest images you could ever contemplate: Steven Seagal is...Mentally Undressing You (thaitied) Congrats, Basilisk. I broke the late-entry rule to put that one in. Now for a couple of Seagal Movie Parodies. There were a number of these, but my favorites were: Steven Seagal is...Above the 'Slaw (Blaytor) Our final category is Generic Movie Parodies, the essence of which is to change a movie title in order to make a fat joke. These were the hardest to decide on, but here are the ones that made the cut: Steven Seagal is...Plus-Sized Ninja (sandman arriveth) And to round out the category, we need to honor Monty and Rosetta, whose spectacular efforts kept the thread going and kept me up way too late reading them. Monty's are: Steven Seagal in...To Kill A Mockingbird And Cook It And Eat It And Rosetta's: Steven Seagal is...Gunga Dinner And I've chosen to render this last one as a haiku, in honor of Steven Seagal's eastern sensibilities: Steven Seagal in... Well done, Rosetta. You're pretty funny for a chick. And now the moment of truth. It goes without saying that choosing the Best Overall was a tough decision, but such is life. So let's all give Cuffy Meigs a big slap on the back for his outstanding contribution: Steven Seagal in...The Usual Sous-Chefs It was clever, it adhered to the original three-word rule, and it made me laugh out loud for about five minutes. Excellent work, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did.
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