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January 16, 2007

Quitting Your Job The Right Way

(Not entirely safe for work, due to those stupid sex-ads that appear in a strip above the clip.)

The ultimate way to quit your job. Seems real. This guy has 1) stones and 2) a decided ambivalence about ever again finding gainful employment.

Old But Good: Top Fifty Ways To Get Fired From Your Job. I still laugh over these. Not entirely safe for work.

47. The J - E - W

When your boss enters your office while you are on the phone, quickly wrap up the call with, "I'm gonna have to call you later. The J - E - W is back."


42. The Ma Fratelli

Take whatever money you have in your pocket and make B&W copies of the bills on the office copy machine while laughing manically and repeating, "It's too fucking easy."

40. The Sex Chair

Insist your coworkers smell your chair, repeatedly saying that it smells like sex. Constantly comment about how hard it is to concentrate with the sweet smell of sex in the air.

*Having an erection the whole time really sells this one.

I got that via the National Lampoon website (just found out they had one). The video at the top of the list, "Two Man Inverted Street Luge" by "Stinkmitten," is pretty amusing. Not entirely safe for work. (Less safe for work when it begins playing an ad for their lame-looking sex comedy Pledge This with Paris Hilton.)

Click down to see their cut of the Apocalypto trailer, too. Pretty good.

Also... They linked this smackdown on the iPhone. I wanted to do the whole "iSpork" parody, but this guy did it already.

So yesterday at MacWorld, Steve Jobs announced the highly anticipated iPhone. It's a slick looking cell phone/iPod combo with some cool looking software, but that's really all it is. That didn't stop Jobs from talking about it like he went into the future and stole a Star Trek communicator from some homo in a jumpsuit. To be honest, I like Apple. I just can't stand Steve Jobs. He's a pompous asshole. A great businessman, but an asshole. Only an asshole could get on stage and claim that a product that is essentially the same as the PDA phones that have been around for four years is "revolutionary." I'm not saying the iPhone won't sell. Shit, Night at the Museum has been the number one movie for three weeks. Nothing surprises me anymore.

So what's wrong with the iPhone? First of all, iCan't stand the fucking iNames. iLife, iTunes, iPhoto, iDVD, iPod... Enough. It was kinda gay in 1997 when the iMac came out. Now it's got a cock so deep in its throat that if it was allergic to nuts, it'd have horrible rash on its chin.

Second, it costs $600 with a two-year contract! Are you fucking serious?! It's a cellphone right? I mean, I can get one for free, right? Oh, it's also a 4GB iPod? Well, aren't those $199? Do I look like some kinda asshole?

He does a parody of the iPhone, with the all-in-one iMadouche. Kinda funny, but I guess that's why I gave up on the "iSpork" idea. Sort of writes itself, and not with a lot of surprises.

The Stupidest Video I've Seen In Days: This guy shows you how to "dance," "hypno"-style, with your fingers.

It seems too easy and obvious to even have to explain, and he's not even very good at it.

It's very slow, but on the other hand, there's no payoff.

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posted by Ace at 09:14 AM

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