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January 11, 2007

Miracles And Wonders: Apple Unveils Phone That Can Play Music, Video

(NYT Link.) It is simply the most amazing technological breakthrough since radio communications.

Imagine-- a cellphone. Imagine -- an iPod. Imagine -- a very small digitial movie player.

Now imagine them -- all together in one beautiful, lust-inspiring package.

And now just imagine being able to burn the rather-limited battery life of your cell-phone watching the grand spectacle of David Lean's masterpiece Lawrence of Arabia on a 3x2 inch widescreen.

Now imagine if there were some way to encourage free media to write gushingly about what is, at its heart, a fucking phone.

Some possible incentive, if you will. Some way to get "buzz-makers" to pimp this now-how-much-would-you-pay Ronco miracle phone.

Now imagine, even better, if some of those buzz-makers knew about a previous product give-away for those writing about tech stuff, and you didn't even have to bribe them in advance to write about your product; they knew, or at least suspected, if they pimped the Ronco Miracle Phone they might just be contacted about getting a freebie.

Now how much would you pay?

Apologies to Allah for this. Collateral damage and all that. I know he's above this. Or at least I think he is. Or at least I guess I don't know and don't care if he's above this or not. I just know that only the lefties get the goodies, like all-expenses-paid trips to Amsterdam, so it doesn't really matter if he pimps the iPhone or not, and I think he knows that too.

Anyway, as I'm on the right wing and am definitely not getting any free swag from Apple, as I have no opinions to influence besides a bunch of drooling imbeciles whose idea of a really hot new invention is a "fidjo" (which is just a fiddle with a banjo glued to its back), I can, clean of all mercenary motives, declare emphatically that I could give a rat's ass about Steve Jobs or his darling little techsessories and fashion-forward widgets.

TRex-- enjoy the phone. Should prompt literally duos of conversations.


Thanks to OgreGunner for tipping me to the Microsoft Vista giveaway a while back.

Am I outraged? Not really.

Am I jealous? Slightly.

Am I personally above any of this? No, not by a longshot.

Still... figure as long as I'm not getting anything from the picnic basket, might as well take a piss on the sandwiches.

Plus, I really hate iPods, Steve Jobs, the cult of cutesy aesthetics, and the fetishization of trivial status-symbol whatsits.

On the other hand, if someone wants to send me a really powerful desktop or kickass HDTV, well. Those are actually useful, aren't they?

Eat Me, Steve Jobs: Jagoff.

Jerkweed.

Correction: An anonymous poster corrects me:

Ace, if you are going to bash something based on it's tech specs, at least do your homework and get them right. When held in wide-screen orientation, the iPhone screen is 3"x 2". For diagonal measurment of 3.5" And the 160 "pixels" you refer to is actual 160dpi (or ppi). That pixels per inch. Very high resolution. The screen you are sitting in front of now, is likely no more than 98 dpi.

Fair enough. Consider it corrected.


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posted by Ace at 03:13 AM

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