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December 07, 2006

Troops Innovate: Use $1.99 Silly String To Find Booby-Trap Trip-Wires

Dave in Texas sardonically notes that this seems to disprove that our troops are dumb. Adapting cheap, easily-available toys for important, life-saving work and all.

But John Kerry just faxed me to say he's all wet. "Morons love silly-string, toys, and small shiny objects," he writes. "Back when I was a decorated combat veteran in Vietnam, in which I served in Vietnam fighting the Vietnam War as a member of the Vietnam-deployed armed services, some of the drooling mouth-breathers I had to smell all day used to send the rev-up Evel Knevil Stunt-Cycle rolling out into minefields.

"But were these slack-jawed subcretins actually doing so this in an effort to detonate some mines and give us a clear pathway through? Hardly. They were trying to settle a bet over whether a graven image of Lord Evel Knevil was immortal and incorruptible as He Himself was. They were continually disappointed to find that their Evel Knevill Fetish Dolls did not have the divine powers of their crocodile-jumping deity.

"Before Audie Murphy died, I asked him about his famous defeat of a dozen heavily-armed Nazis in a bunker, largely using only his service pistol. I asked him if he thought he was a hero for killing so many Nazis single handedly. He confided to me he didn't know they were Nazis at all, but mistook them for large bipedal squirrels wearing black jackboots. 'I was jess tryin' to make myself a spot of squirrl soup,' he told me. 'Shee-it, if'n they're givin' medals for squirrel soup, my cousin Bessy ought to have won the Silver Star ever Thanksgivin'."

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posted by Ace at 04:10 PM

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