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December 05, 2006

Remembering Malachi Ritscher

Who? Oh yeah, he's the lunatic with dreams of assassinating Don Rumsfeld who set himself on fire to protest the war.

This disgusting and cloying Guardian piece attempts to use the suicide of a pathetic psychotic for political advantage.

Ritscher's death, four days before the American mid-term elections, wasn't the shocking, national news story he had hoped it would be when he doused himself in petrol and set himself alight, next to a video camera and a small sign reading, "Thou shalt not kill." It hardly made a ripple in Chicago's mainstream media until an alternative newspaper picked it up. Nationally and internationally, his death has gone virtually unnoticed.

Hmmm... basket case offs himself. Shocking that it didn't get more media attention. Why, that sort of thing only happens ten or twelve times per week.

Well, I guess that does seem a little common. But this guy had a sign. Not just a suicide note. Like, a whole sign and shit.

BULLETIN: Mentally unstable depressive narcissist commits grisly act in futile attempt to get attention he could never command in life. Stop presses.

Although he had held protests against the Iraq war for several years...

He had also held protests against space aliens, Bigfoot Skinheads, and what he called "CranAmerica," the scheme of the Jew-run National Cranberry Growers Association to put cranberries into everything, including CranBalogna, CranPorkRinds, and even infiltrate the human procreative process itself with a new product called "CranGina."

A would-be assassin = "eccentric." I'll note that for my stylebook.

"If I am required to pay for your barbaric war, I choose not to live in your world," he wrote. "I refuse to finance the mass murder of innocent civilians, who did nothing to threaten our country."

Finance the war? How? I don't get the sense that this guy had to worry very much about changes in the top marginal income tax rates.

Ritscher had hoped his suicide by self-immolation - a symbolic act which has long been used as a political protest - would be a wake-up call for America, for which he was prepared to martyr himself. "We have become worse than the imagined enemy - killing civilians and calling it 'collateral damage', torturing and trampling human rights inside and outside our own borders." He wrote that Americans are "more concerned with sports on television and ring-tones on cellphones than the future of the world". The response to his death shows that, if nothing else, he was sadly right about that.

Here's my eulogy: Adios, Torchie. Vaya con Feugo. Fuck this lunatic waste of carbon, and fuck the vicious little preening cry-whore who vomited up this bile.

Somewhere, Che-Che's daughter's eyes are welling up with tears.

Thanks to Mikey.


It's Not A Media Event Without A T-Shirt Update: Buy your own t-shirt proudly declaring "I Heard You, Malachi."

I heard him too. He said "AAAUUUUGHH!!! OOHHHHHH!!! OH, JESUS, JESUS GOD, MY SKIN IS PEELING OFF IN BLACK FLAKES!!! MY LIPS JUST BURST OPEN FROM HEAT!!! GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN, I DID NOT FULLY THINK THIS THROUGH!!"

Thanks to Irene for that.

Bgates writes:

If he didn't want to pay taxes, he could have just not paid them, and gone to prison. Or he coulda gone overseas. Maybe to Iraq, where he could stop the killing by acting as one of those human shields.

Hey, whatever happened to those guys?

Yeah, it's funny how quickly the brave Peace Warriors disappear when the bullets start flying, huh?


A Beautiful Eulogy... By "Malachi V."

We few, we happy few, we bundle of kindling;
For he to-day that burns himself with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so combustible,
This day shall enflame his condition;
And gentlemen in Chicago now watching sports or downloading ringtones,
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That got to see me get crispy today.

digg this
posted by Ace at 04:11 PM

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