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November 01, 2006

John Murtha Proposes "Strategic Redeployment" Of John Kerry To Okinawa

PITTSBURGH -- Shortly after calling for Senator John Kerry to "explain" his controversial remarks about the intellect and education of US military men, Rep. John Murtha (D) announced what he called a "bold new proposal" to end "the Kerry Quagmire."

"I want to make it clear I am not suggesting a retreat, nor handing the enemy a victory," Murtha declared in a hastily-arranged press conference. "However, I have come, sadly and slowly, to the conclusion that our current deployment of John Kerry in the campaign is creating more 'insurgent voters' than it is turning towards us. Therefore, I suggest, at the earliest feasible moment, that we withdraw John Kerry from the theater of political battle and redeploy him to nearby Okinawa."

Rep. Murtha's remarks immediately drew fire from Kerry partisans and various left-wing bloggers, who urged "staying the course" and keeping Kerry in the field "until the battle is won."

But Murtha dismissed such a strategy as "fundamentally broken."

"It hasn't worked for going on three years now," he said, referring to Kerry's failed 2004 campaign. "It shows no sign of progress. Therefore, it's time for fresh ideas. And one fresh idea is immediately relocating John Kerry to a country whose language he cannot speak, and whose news reports are not carried in America."

"It's not as if we can't bring Kerry back if we need him," Murtha continued, defending his plan. "If there are Republicans active in America -- if they threaten to take districts, or even entire states -- we can always immediately put him back into the field to fight those Republicans. His close proximity, a scant 3000 miles, three continents, and two oceans away, should be enough to put Republicans on notice that we will never bow to their attacks and their demands. But it's my belief that the only Republicans causing trouble in America are those incited by John Kerry's presence."

A staffer in the Kerry camp scoffed, "We had Republicans in this country before Kerry's 11/1 remarks, we still have them in this country. It's simply not true that 'cutting and running' will somehow make all the Republicans in America vanish. To even propose such a thing sends a dangerous signal to Republicans, who are only encouraged by displays of weakness."

The Senator's wife, Theresa Heinz-Kerry, offered a mixed opinion on the plan. "On one hand, I think John can be an important part of stabilizing America in favor of Democrats," she said as she drank her third Chivas Regal of the morning. "On the other hand, it sure would be nice to have him out of the house and living on someone else's dime. Now be a pet and mix a martini in my mouth."

Update: Mark Levin says "quotes will surface" proving he meant exactly what he said and said exactly what he meant.

Dan Riehl speculates... well, hell, who knows? Do we know this is the first time he's said this, or something very similar to this?

Too much to hope for, but be on the lookout.

Could be fun.

I suppose the media would then just argue he'd misspoke twice, etc.

Oh wait, that's right -- the MSM isn't covering this story at all.

Just Trying To Get Attention For His Book? It worked for Ann Coulter, I guess.

Via Just One Minute, who offers this egregious ly presumptuous statement by Howie Kurtz:

There isn't anybody, including in the Bush administration, who believes that Kerry meant to insult the soldiers in Iraq with his clumsy joke that has given the Republicans a big fat target after months on the defensive.

Really, Howie? There isn't anybody?

What a douche. Playing the old media game of defining the acceptable terms of debate -- he's declaring it's unacceptable to believe Kerry meant what he said. After all, no one he knows believes that! (Just as Pauline Kael didn't know anyone who voted for Nixon.)

Well, you ain't got the juice to play that game anymore, Howie.

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posted by Ace at 08:42 PM

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